- April 2008 -

Thursday 4\17\08 - 5 :08 AM GMT
Hillary Clinton turns heel
After months of barely maintaining her image as a likeable "babyface" presidential candidate, Sen. Hillary Clinton showed her true colors at last night's presidential debate, delivering a devastating low-blow to her opponent Barack Obama while the moderator was distracted, then launching herself backward off the top of her podium to finish him off with a signature "Clin-ton Bomb". Clinton then declared herself "the most dominant force in the history of US politics." Turning her attention to the war in Iraq, Clinton said she can "no longer supports the troops, because they've had five years and it's obvious they just can't get the job done." After testily telling the booing audience to "shut up", Clinton gratuitously insulted the 76ers and the Phillies before dropping a final knee into the midsection of Obama and walking off stage. Before the debate ended, DNC chair Howard Dean announced that Clinton would be forced to partner with arch rival Obama against grizzled veteran John McCain in a two-on-one handicap match at the Democratic National Convention in August.

Friday 4\11\08 - 8:33 PM GMT
The Brick Testament: David's Psalm of Victory
The Brick Testament celebrates its 350th illustrated Bible story this week with the addition of an illustrated psalm that brings the King David section of the website to a fittingly dramatic conclusion. Certainly David is about the mainest of main characters in The Bible. His name appears 895 times--second only to Jesus (942 times) and Yahweh himself (5,787 times)--and the telling of his long, remarkable career stretches across four books. Hope you've enjoyed The Brick Testament's visualization of that life, as David journeyed from precocious decapitator, to corpse foreskin collector, to slaughterer of women and children, to royal polygamist, to ethnic cleanser, to ineffectual father, and finally to enfeebled old man.

Tuesday 4\01\08 - 10 :27 PM GMT
Smith conceives first child
Rev. Smith spent the better part of this past weekend conceiving his first child. He began by jotting down on a whiteboard all the qualities he is looking for in an offspring. He made several charts and graphs detailing the cost analysis and performance attributes of proposed features before commissioning a scale model to be built. After several painstaking revisions, Smith finalized his proposal, rehearsed a keynote speech, and then gave a three hour Power Point presentation in front of his longtime girlfriend who, at its conclusion, immediately dumped his ass cold.