- February 2003 -
2\26\03 - 8:41 PM GMT
signs books at local bookstore
From noon to 2:30pm today, Rev. Smith was present
at local bookstore Printer's Inc. in order to sign books.
"He must have signed about a thousand books while
he was here," commented cashier Amy Feltz. "He
was busy from the moment he got here until the moment
we finally caught on to what he was doing and asked
him to leave." After Smith was forcibly ejected
from the store, clerks said they found Smith's signature
on books throughout the store, in nearly every department,
none of which he had personally authored.
2\21\03 - 11:49 AM GMT
strikes same place twice
Flying in the face of a the conventional wisdom
that has been widely accepted for hundreds of years,
scientists today revealed that lightning can and does
strike the same place twice. In fact, there is one place
that scientists now believe is struck by lightning up
to ten times every single second, or up to 8.6 million
times per day. That place is called Earth. "This
new discovery," noted Dr. Edsel Montgomery, "may
change the whole way in which we think about the concept
2\18\03 - 5:04 PM GMT
fish in a barrel
Rev. Smith has taken his two favorite sports, fishing
and riflery, and combined them into an exciting new
pastime: shooting fish in a barrel. All this week Smith
has been in practice for what he hopes will be accepted
as an exhibition event at the 2004 Olympics in Athens.
"It's not as easy as it sounds," commented
Smith between firing rounds from his brand new Weatherby
Orion Side-by-Side .41 gauge shotgun. "Once that
barrel fully disintegrates, those fishes can really
move." Added Smith, "For a while, at least."
2\14\03 - 12:19 AM GMT
denies drug use
At a hastily organized press conference today,
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith vehemently denied recent
charges of drug use. "I am not now, and have never
been a user of drugs," stated Smith. He categorically
denied having ever tried even such socially acceptable
drugs as caffeine or ibuprofen, and when pressed further,
Smith cast doubt on the assertion that drugs even exist,
arguing the the entire concept of drugs contains logical
fallacies that can be known a priori to prohibit
their actual existence, much less preclude the possibility
of his use or abuse such imaginary substances.
2\10\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
claims lives of 6.3 billion
An Oregon man today claimed the lives of 6.3 billion
in a chilling speech that has taken the world by total
surprise. "Today I claim the lives of 6.3 billion,"
said the man -- whose name has not yet been released
-- in a televised speech that was short and to the point.
Expert news analysts, noting that the population of
the entire Earth is 6.3 billion, are casting serious
doubt on the man's claim. "Then again," noted
one analyst, "maybe he wasn't talking about human
beings at all."
2\6\03 - 1:49 AM GMT
Brick Testament enters The Wilderness
Follow along with Moses, Aaron, and the whole gang
as the God's Chosen People head into The
Wilderness over at TheBrickTestament.com.
Look for six exciting new illustrated stories taken
from the books of Leviticus and Numbers in which the
hapless Israelites grapple with their most formidable
of adversary of all, Yahweh himself. Also be sure to
stop by the BT merchandise
page, because the Holy Trinity set is now officially
back in stock!
2\2\03 -3:10 PM GMT
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith enjoyed high tea
with the queen yesterday afternoon at Roquinfort Palace.
"Things got off to a shaky start," admitted
Smith, "when I accidentally dropped my cucumber
sandwich into my tea, splashing scalding hot water on
the archduke of Vonshire." Remembering proper etiquette,
Smith swiftly switched clothes with the archduke and
penned him a formal letter of apology as the tea ceremony
continued. The rest of the afternoon went smoothly,
though things were shaky for Smith again later that
night when the seventeen cups of tea he drank kept him
up all night.