- October 2004 -
11:53 AM GMT
Brick Testament: massacres galore!
better way to get yourself into the Halloween spirit
than to check out the five latest illustrated Bible
stories on The
Brick Testament, depicting Joshua and the Israelites'
spoooooky ethnic cleansing of the holy land? Included
are "Gibeonites Enslaved", "Amorite Coalition
Massacred", "Executed Kings Hung on Display",
"Seven Kingdoms Massacred", and of course,
"Twenty-Two Kingdoms Massacred". Happy Halloween
from all of us at The
8:14 PM GMT
rhetoric heats up
just thirteen days to go before the election, rivals
George W. Bush and John Kerry are ratcheting up their
campaign rhetoric. "My opponent," said Bush
at rally in New Mexico on Sunday, "is a weak-willed
coward. What we in Texas would call a 'pansy',"
while Kerry told voters in Ohio, "The president
has completely fucked-over the middle class. He knows
it, and he's laughing about it." Bush, in Pennsylvania
announced this morning,
"Look, you are either against the terrorists or
you're with them. Do you really want to put a terrorist
in the White House?" Kerry responded at a rally
in Florida, "George W. Bush is an asshole, and
everyone knows it. And he's smug about it, too. He's
a smug asshole."
9:02 PM GMT
undergoes elective surgery
not suffering from any life-threatening condition, nor
looking to alter his cosmetic appearance, Rev. Smith
spent the day in the hospital undergoing elective surgery.
"I don't know, just open me up, shift some stuff
around, sew me back up," said Smith to team of
doctors, "I'm really just looking to get my money's
worth here." Smith made his unusual request after
discovering that his health care plan covers up to $16,000
of medical surgery per year. "I'd feel sort of
ripped off if I didn't use that money," said Smith,
shortly before going under general anesthesia. Following
his two-day recovery from the surgery, Smith also plans
to review his dental and life insurance policies.
3:48 PM GMT
voting machines to work "as planned"
an attempt to assuage the growing fears of wide-scale
election fraud from the use of electronic voting machines
that provide no paper trail, staunch Bush supporter
and CEO of Diebold Inc, Walden O'Dell, whose comapny's
paperless voting machines will be used by more than
8 million voters, made a statement today, assuring Americans
that his company's machines will function "exactly
as planned". "Any hackers hoping to tamper
with these machines will be frustrated," announced
O'Dell. "On Novermber 2nd, each machine will count
every single vote exactly as it has been prgrammed to."
O'Dell went on to say that his voting machines will
function so flawlessly that he believes Bush will mandate
their use at all polling stations by the end of his
second term as president.