- February 2008 -
2\21\08 - 7:20 PM GMT
Rape, Murder, Revolt, and Strange
Brick Testament website has been updated today with seven
new illustrated stories. Little is going right for
David as he enters into his advanced years as king.
His virgin daughter is raped by his firstborn son. Another
son becomes a murderer, forms a popular uprising, and
drives David out of Jerusalem. As he is fleeing, an
old enemy tosses rocks and curses at him. Perhaps strangest
of all, a long-since-decapitated enemy unexpectedly
returns to fight the Israelites anew. Rest assured,
these convoluted goings-on are all part of God's plan,
as he selective intervenes in human affairs to bring
disaster on David's family and bring
disaster on Absalom.
2\18\08 - 8:23
Torture chamber found in White
While the President is away in Africa, a White
House janitor today stumbled across the entrance to
a hitherto unknown chamber located deep within a subbasement
of the White House. The 15x20' room contains a variety
of gags, whips, chains, hoods, and harnesses, plus a
single bed and a water faucet. It is unclear as of yet
whether the room functions as a secret interrogation
chamber for suspected terrorists, a perverse presidential
pleasure dome, or both. While President Bush has invoked
executive privilege in refusing to answer questions
about the matter, former president Clinton told reporters
this afternoon, "It certainly wasn't there when
I moved out. That's not my thing."
2\10\08 - 10:59
Smith hears voices in his head
For as far back as he can remember Rev. Smith has
heard voices in his head. "They tell me to do things,"
Smith recently explained to his therapist, "usually
mundane things like 'Take out the trash; it's trash
night' or 'How about getting a little exercise?'"
Though it's usually a version of his own voice that
he hears, "I hear celebrity voices sometime too,"
says Smith, "like if I'm replaying in memory part
of a TV show I just watched." Smith's therapist,
the distinguished Dr. Errol Vanderwitz says that Smith
"is being an idiot" and has recommended that
Smith "get the hell out of my office."
2\6\08 - 5:32
Americans demand vague, ill-defined
Record turnouts at Super Tuesday primaries across
America yesterday confirm that voters are responding
passionately to vague promises of ill-defined change.
The person seen most benefiting from this voter enthusiasm
so far is candidate Barack Obama who, if elected, would
become America's 44th president who is at least half-white.
Sen. Obama's maverick pro-hope stance set him apart
from the pack early on, and his rousing oratory has
even managed to sway some Republicans. Declared Sen.
Obama during a victory speech in Chicago last night: "The
time for nebulous, unspecified change is now."