- April 2002 -
4\29\02 - 3:07 AM GMT
drunk on own power, booze
Rev. Smith went mad with power today shortly after
being named chairman of the recreation committee for
the local home owners association. Wasting no time abusing
his newfound powers, Smith commandeered the microphone
and ordered the community pool to be filled with Jell-O.
Further, he commanded mandatory pink flamingo lawn ornaments
for all neighborhood residences. After a loud belch
he resigned from office and passed out on the floor.
4\25\02 - 3:07 AM GMT
honors Rev. Smith
The pope took time out of his grueling schedule
today to honor The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith. Though
first noting that he still has "issues" with
some of Smith's LEGO
illustrations of The Bible, and making it clear
that that he remains "uncomfortable" with
Smith's continued use of the "Reverend" designation
without ever having been ordained in by a Christian
church, the frail 81-year-old John Paul said he commends
Smith for "never having molested little boys --
which is more than I can say about some of our most
trusted church officers."
4\21\02 - 10:12 AM GMT
up and ready
Word came today that Rev. Smith is fully greased
up and "ready for anything". The news evoked
audible sighs of relief from frustrated fans from across
the county who have been waiting many long weeks in
anticipation. Experts say that Smith's viscosity is
now at an all-time high, and marvel that Smith has been
able to garner enough friction to hold still at all.
Even the slightest bit of momentum, they warned, could
keep Smith in motion for days.
4\17\02 - 2:52 PM GMT
The US Food and Drug Administration gave its official
seal of approval today to a product called Smalpox
which has been shown to effectively eliminate signs
of healthy aging, such as wrinkled skin and breathing.
The product contains trace amounts of the small pox
virus, which causes the user to contract the full-blown
disease and die within weeks. Several recent studies
have shown a dramatic decrease in wrinkled skin -- or
any skin at all -- among people who had used Smalpox
for at least six months.
4\13\02 - 8:29 AM GMT
The scheduled interview with Rev. Smith on BBC
4 radio has been indefinitely postponed. In
its place, will be airing a three part interview with
American actor Tony Danza who is to star in a
new television remake of the hit British comedy Fawlty
Towers. Danza will star in the role made famous
by comedian John Cleese. Among other minor changes,
the show's main character's name has been changed to
Basil "Tony" Fawlty. The series premiers next
fall on ABC.
4\11\02 - 10:44 PM GMT
talks up Brick
Testament on radio
Rev. Smith was a guest on Las Vegas radio KSFN
this morning, chatting about The
Brick Testament with hosts Ken and Jim. Those of
you in the UK will get the chance to hear Smith talk
with Roger Bolton on BBC 4 radio this
Sunday, sometime between 7:10 and 7:55am GMT, and also,
those of you in the greater Portland, NH, area, can
tune in to WHEB at 9:30am EST on Thursday
April 18th to hear Smith on The Morning Buzz show.
4\8\02 - 3:29 PM GMT
Almighty God spoke to The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith
last night, instructing him to buy a machine gun and
massacre innocent civilians at the local mall. This
morning, Smith bought himself a gun and plenty of ammunition.
Entering the mall, he took aim at the nearest passerby.
As his finger was about to squeeze the trigger, an angel
of God spoke, saying, "Brendan, do not harm these
people. Now that I see you would do this for me, you
shall lead a blessed life." Smith then saw a deer
in a nearby field and shot the bajeezus out of it.
4\4\02 - 4:13 PM GMT
Doctors report that Rev. Smith is recovering well
from his third round of unnecessary surgery. Concern
was raised yesterday
when Smith temporarily "flatlined"
while a team of doctors attempted to replace Smith's
small intestine and his brain, having previously mixed
up the two. Smith entered the hospital's emergency room
on Tuesday with a clean bill of health.
4\1\02 - 12:09 AM GMT
One of the Bible's most beloved stories which has
touched the souls of millions of believers across the
globe, that of Sodom & Gomorrah has now been rendered
in LEGO and added to Rev. Smith's The
Brick Testament. Go and see it today or tomorrow
you'll wish you had. Or go see it tomorrow. The choice