- September 2002 -
9\27\02 - 9:22 PM GMT
Rev. Smith proved he could play hardball this week
when in a balls-out move he pushed himself balls to
the wall even when it was cold enough to freeze the
balls off a brass monkey. "Smith was really on
the ball from square one," said spectator Bill
Bollingsworth, "he got the ball rolling when he
announced he could hold his own against all comers.
He almost dropped the ball at one point when he lost
his bearing, but then when he turned it around, I almost
balled." Added Bollingsworth: "That sort of
thing takes balls of steel. I'd give my left nut for
balls like that."
9\24\02 - 4:38 PM GMT
For the fourth time in as many days, Rev. Smith
whacked his head on the glass ceiling of his apartment.
"Dammit!" shouted Smith, rubbing his head.
"I knew I should have installed these things higher."
Smith installed the transparent ceilings throughout
his apartment last week, thinking it would be a cool
way to display things overhead. "I thought it might
be a cool to way to show off my Jones Soda collection
or all my old Star Wars figures," said Smith, "but
instead I just keep whacking my head into it."
9\21\02 - 1:17 AM GMT
Testament update #842710c
For a second time this month, The
Brick Testament updates with new stories from the
continuing saga of Exodus. Watch in amazement as God
appears to Moses in the form of a burning bush! Scratch
your head as he later attacks Moses for no apparent
reason! And while you're at it, remember to stop by
the Brick Testament merchandise
page -- we still have a limited number of Holy Trinity
sets left! Don't delay! Order yours today!
9\17\02 - 11:40 PM GMT
takes job, shoves it
Running low on funds, Rev. Smith took a job this
week at Kentucky Fried Owl. After a two-day training
period, Smith began his position as vice president in
charge of fries. After only three days on the job, however,
Smith decided that $4.30 per hour was not nearly enough
compensate for the grueling work schedule, patronizing
treatment from upper management, and backbreaking labor,
not to mention the constant stench of fried owls. Having
made up his mind, Smith took the job and shoved it right
up his ass.
9\13\02 - 11:40 PM GMT
Showing off a newfound sense of generosity, The
Rev. Brendan Powell Smith this week granted a number
of sexual favors to both friends and strangers. "If
there's something you need," one of Smith's recent
acquaintances was quoted as saying, "you shouldn't
be afraid to ask Brendan." Smith's actions come
after a period of intense soul searching. "We all
must look inside ourselves to ask what we can offer
others. I realize now that I have so much to give,"
remarked Smith, "so much to give."
9\10\02 - 7:27 PM GMT
In remembrance of the terrible event which changed
America, Rev. Smith today made a small gesture to the
brave souls who lost their lives on September 11, 2001,
by playing the numbers 9-1-1 in the New York State Lottery.
"It's not much, I admit," said Smith, "but
the proceeds of this lottery go to fund schools in New
York state. That's helping kids, some of whom are no
doubt victims of that tragic event of one year ago tomorrow.
And that's important to me." Should those numbers
happen to be drawn, Smith stands to win up to $2,607,250.
9\7\02 - 2:49 PM GMT
celebrates umpteenth birthday
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith celebrated his umpteenth
birthday today with a small gathering of his closest
celebrity friends. "Friends," said Smith,
"ten years ago, if you had told me I would even
live to see my umpteenth birthday, I would have kicked
you in the shins and told you you were crazy. But now
that I stand here amongst you, barely kept alive by
these two breathing mechanisms they call 'lungs', I
know for the first time in my life just what it feels
like to be umpteen. Thank you, and goodnight."
9\4\02 - 3:21 PM GMT
Brick Testament is pleased to announce its continued
illustration of The Bible in LEGO with four new stories
from the book of Exodus.
In addition, available for the first time ever is The
Brick Testament's only merchandise made entirely out
of LEGO bricks: The
Holy Trinity. Get Jesus, God, and The Holy Ghost
cast in LEGO, exactly as they appear in stories from
The Brick Testament. Supplies of this set are limited,
so order yours today.