- November 2002 -
11\28\02 - 11:03 PM GMT
Across the world today, man celebrates his prehistoric
victory over turkeys by taking part in the annual family
ritual of catching a turkey, cooking it, stuffing it
with savory delights, and then devouring it until there
is nothing left but bones. But Rev. Smith attempts recapture
some of the thrill man's original prehistoric glory
by waking up early and wrestling a full-grown male turkey
at the crack of dawn and then devouring it live. There
are some who would call this ritual barbaric and cruel,
but for Smith it is a deeply symbolic act, fraught with
profound emotion and a grim sense of duty. Asked what
he would do if one day the turkey was the victor in
the wresting match, Smith shuddered and said, "I hadn't
really stopped to consider that."
11\22\02 - 8:47 PM GMT
The Brick Testament parts the Red
The illustrated Exodus saga continues today with
five brand new stories now online at TheBrickTestament.com. See manna
fall from the sky! Watch as water pours from solid rock!
And behold as a great sea splits in two, only to to
collapse back on itself, killing thousands. And while
you're at it, don't forget to buy your loved ones an
official Brick Testament LEGO Holy
Trinity -- while supplies last!
11\18\02 - 3:25 PM GMT
designer redesigns Smith's interiors
Citing a need to "shake thing up a little bit",
Rev. Smith this week hired renown European interior
designer Hans Dübeck to redesign his interiors. After
six days of intense work the task was complete. "It's
not exactly what I expected," commented Smith, whose
pancreas, liver, left lung, and gall bladder were removed
by Dübeck "to create more space". "But I guess
I can sort of get used to it," said Smith, the location
of whose brain and small instestine has been swapped.
"I guess," added Smith before collapsing.
Thursday11\14\02 - 7:04 PM GMT
attends Danza funeral
It was a solemn occasion this morning as Rev. Smith
attended the funeral of longtime friend and associate
Tony Danza who was killed earlier this week in an apparent
terrorist attack on the Danza compound in Tarzana, CA.
"We didn't always see eye-to-eye on every issue," said
Smith who had a major falling out with the former star
of Who's the
Boss? and The Tony
Danza Show a couple of years back, "but Tony
was an extraordinary man, both on and off screen." After
delivering a short eulogy to his departed friend, Smith
tore his clothes, put ash on his head and wore sackcloth
for the rest of the day.
11\10\02 - 5:02 AM GMT
Going into business with his imaginary friend last
February 31st, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith established
a fictitious business entitled Ephemeral Dreams, Incorporeal.
The company became an immediate success in the mind
of its owner, providing highly sought after fictitious
goods and services to a fictitious clientele across
the globe. Smith made his initial fortune after this
summer's Imaginary Public Offering, and amassed even
more fantastic wealth when he recently sold the company
to Gill Bates in a stock swap valued by Smith at nearly
Tuesday 11\5\02 - 7:04 PM GMT
Rev. Smith, along with $2.4 million in funds, was
earmarked today for improving local roads and promoting
public transit when in today's elections
Santa Clara County voters overwhelmingly approved Prop
43. Smith was an admittedly "whimsical" last minute
addition to the proposition said draftee Michael Fournier
(D) who lead the successful Yes-on-43 campaign and believes
that "the passage of this act will go a long way toward
repairing our county's badly damaged road and bridges,"
and that "Rev. Smith now has no choice other than to
grab a shovel and get to work."
11\1\02 - 5:39 PM GMT
slashing prices on everything
Declaring today, Saturday, and Sunday a "Final Blowout
Sale", The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith today made his
way throughout the store, slashing prices on everything,
including all brand name appliances, designer fashions,
quality home furnishings, and more. Many sale items
already deeply discounted are now as much as 80 to 95%
off. "He must be insane to be doing this," commented
one amazed shopper. "He doesn't even work here."