- September 2006 -
11:58 PM GMT
furious over latest intelligence leak
President Bush reacted strongly
today to the leak of a classified US intelligence committee's
finding that president Bush is a total fucking idiot.
"Someone has taken it upon themselves to leak this
highly classified information," said a visibly
angered Bush. "This was a cowardly and treasonous
act. Making public sensitive information of this kind
can only cause panic and embolden our enemies."
Bush went on to announce a criminal investigation into
the leak, vowing to swiftly punish whoever was responsible
unless it turns out to have been Karl Rove or Dick Cheney.
2:26 PM GMT
Tony Danza rolling in his grave
The deceased corpse of beloved
character actor Tony Danza is reportedly rolling in
its grave this week, upon learning that the role of
Tony Danza in the upcoming ABC made-for-TV movie The
Tony Danza Story will be played by a computer-generated
actor that will be voiced by sounds clips of Tony Danza
taken from various episodes of Taxi, Who's
the Boss?, and the 1989 movie She's Out of Control.
While Danza's angered and partially-decomposed corpse
remains buried here on Earth, his everlasting soul is
looking kindly down on us all from heaven.
Tuesday 09\12\06 -
12:33 PM GMT
Smith to enter WWE as wrestler 'Stinkface'
Rev. Smith announced today
that he has signed a multi-year contract with World
Wrestling Entertainment to compete under the name
'Stinkface' starting in 2008. Smith says he submitted
the idea for the character to WWE chairman Vince
McMahon earlier this year, and it met with almost
instant approval. According to the proposal, Stinkface
will enter the ring wearing an enormously enlarged prosthetic
ass, and his signature move, perhaps unsurprisingly,
will be the
stinkface, in which one wrestler smothers his buttocks
into the face of his (usually incapacitated) opponent.
Smith will spend the coming year before his debut bulking
up his body to WWE standards using a wide variety of