- February 2000 -
2\29\00 - 1:11 PM GMT
Quantum Leap Day
Theorizing that one could travel within his own lifetime, The Rev. Brendan
Powell Smith stepped into the Quantum Leap accelerator
and vanished. He woke to find himself trapped in the
past, facing mirror images that were not his own, and
driven by an unknown force to change history for the
better. His only guide on this journey is Scott Bakula,
an observer from his own time who appears in the form
of a hologram that only Smith can see and hear. And
so Rev. Smith finds himself leaping from life to life,
striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping
each time that his next leap will be the leap home.
2\25\00 - 9:08 AM GMT
Routine physical exam
Rev. Smith received a clean bill of health today from a team of doctors
after a routine monthly physical examination. "We
had to do the usual - cranial rehydration, elbow calibration,
and testical alignment - but all our tests came back
with excellent results," said Dr. Ian Wulschitz,
"Smith is in perfect physical condition. Why, he
may even live to see 30."
2\22\00 - 10:21 PM GMT
"BRAD: the game" Day declared
The quaint and usually overlooked nation of Luxembourg today declared
Tuesday, February 22, 2000, to be National "BRAD:
the game" Day. A parade was held, government
officials took the day off, and 23 citizens were arrested
for indecent behavior. Rev. Smith made a brief appearance
at the festivities via satellite broadcast, saying "you
peoples is crazy."
2\18\00 - 11:37 PM GMT
Smith's pants sell for £343,000
A pair of outrageously oversized plaid pants worn by The Rev. Brendan
Powell Smith at a Paris concert in 1987, at the height
of GOF UGNÜT's
fame, sold today on internet auction site eBay
for just over £343,000. It is unkown who the buyer
is, but many suspect it was none other than the King
of Pop himself, avowed longtime GÜ fan, Michael
2\16\00 - 11:37 PM GMT
So, wassup, D? Watching the game, havin' a Bud. True, true. Wassuuuuup!
Wazzaaaaaaaahhhh... Yo, who's that? Yo, pick up the
phone! Hello? Wassuuuuuup! Wahzzzuuuuup... Uuuuuuhhhhh....
Yo! Where's Dookie? Yo, Dookie! Hey! Yo... Wassuuuuuuuuup!!!
Wazzuuuuu-- Uuuuuuhhh-- Aaaaaa-- Auuuu-- <<Beep>>
Hold on. Hello? Wasssuuuuup! Aaaaaaa-- Eh-heh-- Ehhhh--
Aaaaaa-- Oooo--. So wassup, D? Watching the game, havin'
a Bud. True, true.
2\13\00 - 2:29 PM GMT
Danza and Smith on the outs
According to inside sources, longtime friends Rev. Smith and veteran
sitcom actor Tony Danza are having a falling
out of sorts as of late. "Whereas Smith has really
matured in recent years," explained one mutual
friend, "Tony is still that same old wild man,
refusing to grow up." The two were last seen together
at the premeire of the Jim Belushi vehicle K-911.
2\07\00 - 5:09 AM GMT
Leap frog: back in style
The game of leap frog, played by thousands of children worldwide, and
by a few select foolhardy professionals, is coming back
into style after years being looked down upon by many
as gauche. Rev. Smith, a varsity leap frogger
during his days at Boston University, commented, "this
dangerous full-contact sport, already outlawed in Europe,
should prove to be a pleasant distraction for America
during the upcoming elections."
2\03\00 - 10:56 AM GMT
Groundhog Day a success
Rev. Smith gave word today that Groundhog Day was "an unqualified
success", adding that "everything went exactly
according to plan." The success comes as
a sort of vindication for Smith after last year's Groundhog
Day which, as you will no doubt recall went tremendously
2\01\00 - 3:16 PM GMT
Van Halen drops Smith
As quickly as he joined them, Rev.
Smith today announced his departure from rock group
Van Halen. "It
is a completely amicable parting of ways," he explained
to reporters. "He was fired," stated
Eddie Van Halen at a separate press conference.
"He kept showing up for practices without pants."
It is not known what will become of the material the
band worked on with Smith. It is believed to consist
of only one song which was tentitively titled "Bring
on the Girls".