- July 2003 -
7\30\03 - 12:19 PM GMT
Over the course of a single evening, Rev. Smith
faced frustration when his efforts were aborted, retried,
and ultimately failed. "I booted up to go run at
about 7:30pm," reported Smith. "But I quickly
found that there were too many bugs, so I had no choice
but to abort." Then after a quick application of
Bug-Fix®, Smith retried. But twenty minutes later,
he failed when his whole system crashed. "I didn't
see that wall," said Smith, "but there it
was." The crash was severe enough that Smith would
have had to boot-up all over again, but instead he decided
to just shut down for the night and restart tomorrow.
7\26\03 - 5:18 AM GMT
goes to the bathroom
Reports indicate that Rev. Smith went to the bathroom
of his suburban home at approximately 10pm last night.
Smith later denied those reports. "Yes, I went
to the bathroom last night, but I didn't go to the bathroom,"
said Smith. Asked why and how it is even possible that
he could go to the bathroom without going to the bathroom,
a frustrated and slightly flustered Smith replied that
he went to the bathroom last night to brush his teeth,
and that he didn't really need to go to the bathroom,
because he had already gone to the bathroom out in the
woods on the way home. Experts view Smith's story as
skeptical at best now that an extensive search has turned
up no evidence of a supposed bathroom located "in
7\22\03 - 6:40 PM GMT
After a routine trip to the doctor this week, The
Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was diagnosed with Stockholm
syndrome. Having never been held captive in a hostage
situation, it is unclear how Smith developed the syndrome,
but doctors stressed that the lab results were conclusive.
The condition is not believed to be life-threatening.
Although there is no known cure for Stockholm syndrome,
Rev. Smith is being advised to take a few days off from
work, get plenty of bed rest, and avoid any potential
hostage situations or trips to Scandinavia over the
next six months.
7\17\03 - 5:47 AM GMT
discharges and more
Brick Testament updates today with more illustrated
stories from The
Law section of the Bible. Come and learn what God
almighty has to say about such controversial topics
as menstruation, homosexuality, cross-dressing, bestiality,
and getting ejaculate on your clothes. For only by knowing
God's laws can we hope to put them into practice in
our own lives. Amen.
7\13\03 - 12:16 PM GMT
nearly comatose for 8 hours
Friends and relatives were alarmed last night when
Rev. Smith slipped into what they described as an "almost
comatose" state for just under 8 hours, from midnight
to 8am. "He was just lying there," said his
concerned mother, "his eyes were shut, his breathing
slow, and he had a little stream of drool at the corner
of his mouth." Doctors believe Smith will likely
suffer no permanent brain damage, but are at a loss
as to explain the cause. Before the event, Smith reported
feeling "sleepy", but otherwise appeared to
be in perfect health.
7\9\03 - 8:51 PM GMT
bets are off
In light of the unexpected late-breaking news,
officials declared today that "all bets are off."
According to the statement, all bets placed on or before
July 9, 2003, are henceforth to be considered null and
void. New bets, those placed starting on or after July
10, 2003, will be honored in full. This ruling covers
all bets and wagers of any sort, both so-called "gentlemen's
bets", and those in which money or other things
of value are at stake.
7\5\03 - 1:10 AM GMT
Smith graces cover of The Door
Religious satire magazine
The Door has sunk to new lows this month,
putting The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith on the cover
of its July-August
2003 issue. "When a magazine throws some sex
symbol on the cover just to sell a few extra magazines,
it's despicable," noted longtime reader Anne O'Connor.
"I mean, really, what does Brendan Powell Smith
have to do with religious satire?" Those who would
like to make up their on minds can find the seven page
interview (with an accompanying 12-image pictorial)
in the magazine section of most major booksellers, or
it online at the magazine's
7\04\03 - 4:32 AM GMT
Rev. Smith took time out of his busy schedule today to honor the anniversary
of America's independence from Great Britain. Waving
a burning union jack flag, Smith was heard to chant
"Tony Blair is the Great Satan". He later
made a cup of tea and then immediately poured it down
the toilet. "God bless America," said Smith.