- February 2005 -
5:50 PM GMT
While flipping through the channels late last night,
Rev. Smith became horrified after coming across a rerun
of 80s sitcom Perfect Strangers and realizing
that he remembered this episode. "Agh! This
is awful," said Smith, "it's not like I even
used to watch this show, and yet I actually recall
from memory how this episode ends." Smith paused
for a moment to gather his thoughts and then continued.
"Do you realize what this means? It means that
physical part of my brain is dedicated to remembering
the plotline of this terrible TV show from 18 years
ago. See?" said Smith, "I knew Balki was about
to do that. God, why doesn't my memory have an erase
1:05 PM GMT
Hey, man, don't you judge me!
Brick Testament website has been updated today with
four new stories which mark the official launch of its
illustration of the biblical book of Judges.
While you may not currently
be familiar with
the twelve heroic judges who rose up to guide the Israelites
through their troubled years before the establishment
of the monarchy (as opposed to their troubled years
in Egyptian slavery, their troubled years wandering
in the desert, and their very troubled years after
the monarchy), I think you will find that each story
from the book of Judges has some very, very special
to teach us all.
2:16 PM GMT
pot fails to boil
Smith spent several hours this morning watching a pot
full of water on his stove to see if it would begin
to boil while under his observation. "I put the
water on the stove at 7:14 AM," said Smith. "I
then watched and waited. Normally when I put water on
to boil, it takes five to seven minutes maximum. But
two and a half hours later, this water still had failed
to boil under my watch." At 11:28 AM Smith made
a startling discovery: "I had forgotten to turn
the burner on." Smith proceeded to set the burner
on high and resumed his observation, but after answering
a phone call in an adjacent room, Smith returned to
find that the water had begun boiling during his absence.
5:50 PM GMT
lacks national dance craze
months growing concern, President Bush made public today
his pledged to "get America funky again" by
taking steps to combat this country's lack of a national
dance craze. "While previous generations have been
comforted by the Charleston, the Twist, the Shuffle,
the Robot, the Electric Slide, and the Lambada,"
said Bush, "America has gone without since the
loss of the Macarena in 1999. The time to act on this
is now. I have sent members of the CIA to countries
in South America, Africa, the Middle East, to infiltrate
local dance cultures and report back directly to me."
Until a new dance craze is discovered and popularized,
Bush has proposed mandatory use of the Hokey-Pokey at
all dance clubs and weddings for the time being.
11:27 AM GMT
diagnosed with pugilism
a press conference from his hospital bed this morning,
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith announced that he has
been diagnosed him with pugilism. "I can fight
this," said Smith.