- January 2003 -
2\10\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
claims lives of 6.3 billion
An Oregon man today claimed the lives of 6.3 billion
in a chilling speech that has taken the world by total
surprise. "Today I claim the lives of 6.3 billion,"
said the man -- whose name has not yet been released
-- in a televised speech that was short and to the point.
Expert news analysts, noting that the population of
the entire Earth is 6.3 billion, are casting serious
doubt on the man's claim. "Then again," noted
one analyst, "maybe he wasn't talking about human
beings at all."
2\6\03 - 1:49 AM GMT
Brick Testament enters The Wilderness
Follow along with Moses, Aaron, and the whole gang
as the God's Chosen People head into The
Wilderness over at TheBrickTestament.com.
Look for six exciting new illustrated stories taken
from the books of Leviticus and Numbers in which the
hapless Israelites grapple with their most formidable
of adversary of all, Yahweh himself. Also be sure to
stop by the BT merchandise
page, because the Holy Trinity set is now officially
back in stock!
2\2\03 -3:10 PM GMT
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith enjoyed high tea
with the queen yesterday afternoon at Roquinfort Palace.
"Things got off to a shaky start," admitted
Smith, "when I accidentally dropped my cucumber
sandwich into my tea, splashing scalding hot water on
the archduke of Vonshire." Remembering proper etiquette,
Smith swiftly switched clothes with the archduke and
penned him a formal letter of apology as the tea ceremony
continued. The rest of the afternoon went smoothly,
though things were shaky for Smith again later that
night when the seventeen cups of tea he drank kept him
up all night.
1\28\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
of the Brendan Address
This evening, Rev. Smith gave his annual State
of the Brendan address in which told his audience that
he believes the state of the Brendan is strong, and
that the number one threat to his security is Iraq.
Smith passed up the chance to speak about his fiscal
plans for the future and his current state of employment,
but instead outlined a plan to deploy his left leg to
the Persian Gulf to counter the mounting international
threat of Saddam Hussein and his pure evilness.
1\23\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
Smith speaks out on Irish Radio
Dublin, Ireland's Spin 103.8 radio station
today featured The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith as a guest
on their SpinTalk programme. Smith talked with
hosts Jack and Ali about what it takes to illustrate
the Bible in LEGO, how Smith came to be called 'The
Reverend', and the music of Smith's band The
Human Heads. Smith revealed that he was in fact
"half-Irish" and that both his first and last
names reflect that heritage.
1\18\03 - 8:16 PM GMT
Looking for a way to atone for his recent sins,
Rev. Smith turned to his trusted friend, The Bible,
and soon knew what must be done. He went into the nearby
fields and took a young ram, unblemished, and two young
sheep. He brought them up on the hill and there slaughtered
them before God at an altar he had built. He poured
all their blood over the altar, and set their pile of
entrails on fire. The resultant smell was pleasing to
God, and soon all of Smith's sins were forgiven.
1\13\03 - 1:43 PM GMT
caught having catered affair
Rev. Smith's longtime girlfriend Lila was distraught
today upon discovering that for the past six weeks her
boyfriend has been carrying on catered affairs. Shortly
after departing for work this morning, Lila grew suspicious
when she noticed a Mike's Catering van headed in the
opposite direction. She followed the van back and watched
as two men brought in row after row of pre-prepared
dishes into her own house. Finally she stormed inside
the house to confront Smith who was caught in a compromising
position by the buffet table.
1\7\03 - 7:56 PM GMT
months to live
During The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith's recent trip
to the doctor, it was revealed that he has only six
months left to live. "It's a fatal condition,"
explained Smith's doctor, "and I'm afraid it's
just a matter of time at this point." Asked if
there was any chance for a last minute cure, the doctor
shook his head, whispered "no", and turned
to go. Rev. Smith reacted to the news as well as can
be expected. His biggest complaint, said Smith, is that
"now I'll have to find a new doctor."
1\3\03 - 2:40 AM GMT
It's three days into the new year, and Rev. Smith
remains resolute in his stance that this year should
be pronounced not as "Two Thousand Three"
as is the common custom, but rather as "Twenty-oh-Three",
which, he argues, is in keeping with previous centuries
in which dates like 1903 or 1203 would pronounced "Nineteen-oh-Three"
or "Twelve-oh-Three". "Who ever came
up with this 'The Year Two Thousand' crap anyhow?"
asked a visibly perturbed Smith. "Three years ago
was the start of 'Twenty-Hundred', dammit."