- February 2002 -
2\26\02 - 5:47 AM GMT
willing to speak with negotiators
Seeing it as perhaps his best chance at getting
any of his demands met, Rev. Smith today agreed to talk
with police negotiators. The move comes 17 hours into
a tense standoff that has had the world glued to its
television sets for the latest updates. The ordeal began
Monday morning when a casually dressed Smith walked
into a local Wienerschnitzel and threatened to remove
his pants unless he and his cronies eat for free.
2\22\02 - 11:21 AM GMT
For just under $75, Rev. Smith bought himself a
little bit of happiness last night. The euphoric feelings
lasted him well on into the wee hours of the night,
and Smith awoke this morning with a smile on his face.
"Happiness is the most wonderful thing in life,"
pontificated Smith, "and when it comes at a price
like that, well, who am I to say no?" After a few
more moments reflecting on his experience, Smith resumed
the mindless drudgery which is his everyday life.
2\18\02 - 5:58 PM GMT
Plans for The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith to guest
star on multiple episodes of FOX TV's undeclared
are in jeopardy now that FOX seems poised to cancel
the acclaimed show. Smith, who was to be introduced
early in season two as a "love interest" for
one of the main characters, received the news this afternoon
and expressed his dismay. "This sucks," he
said, "and I hear they're canceling Futurama, too.
2\16\02 - 3:02 PM GMT
calls add up
An analysis of Rev. Smith's phone bill for the
month of January 2002 reveals that booty calls account
for a whopping 70% of the total cost. "I've got
to do something about this," announced an outraged
Smith as he plopped himself down on his easy-chair.
"Maybe I should send out those booty calls by email,"
he thought to himself aloud, "Then again, I hear
Sprint has some sort of deal on booty calls if you switch
to their plan." The matter is as yet unresolved.
2\11\02 - 4:17 AM GMT
After months of tossing out countless flimsy excuses
and unlikely stories, Rev. Smith announced today that
he has finally arrived at the perfect alibi. Guaranteed
to avert all blame and a surefire bet to avoid any possibility
of punishment, Smith told reporters that he is saving
the alibi "for a very special occasion". In
a seemingly unrelated story, Smith announced today that
he has begun work on devising the perfect crime.
2\7\02 - 8:22 PM GMT
stories from the New Testament
As it approaches half a million hits since its
October launch, The
Brick Testament is pleased to announce the addition
of 9 new illustrated stories from the New Testament.
Other recent additions to the site include a Press page
where the articles from SPIN magazine and The Independent
have been scanned, and an FAQ.
2\3\02 - 1:15 AM GMT
faces heavy criticism
Everywhere he has turned over the past week, The
Rev, Brendan Powell Smith has faced heavy criticism.
First his girlfriend heavily criticized the outfit Smith
was wearing. Then his friends laid down some heavy criticism
of his basketball skills. Most recently, his own parents
were heavily critical of Smith's recent stint of unemployment.
When Smith insisted they refer to it as his "early
retirement", his father pointed out that "retired
people aren't flat broke."
2\3\02 - 6:51 PM GMT
Rev. Smith learned for the first time today that
he was adopted at birth by a couple who was not his
true biological parents. For years he had wondered how
an albino black son could have come from white parents,
and his suspicions about this issue lead to him to query
his parents on the matter directly just this afternoon.
"Yep," his parents informed him, "you