- July 2002 -
7\31\02 - 7:07 AM GMT
injured in Brick
A mostly peaceful protest outside Rev. Smith's
suburban home suddenly turned violent yesterday when
a local paperboy accidentally crashed his bike into
a group of approximately thirty protesters, causing
a panic in which seven people were injured, including
two sprained ankles. A spokesperson for the protesters,
who identified themselves as Unilateral Christians,
later denounced the paperboy's "attack" as
"possibly not an accident at all."
7\28\02 - 11:08 AM GMT
one is the wiser
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith met in secret last
night with the gnarly old sage of Kentucky, and engaged
him from dusk till dawn in a contest of wisdom. The
all-night competition, held high atop Mt. Ferriwip with
no others there to witness, ended in a complete stalemate.
And no one was the wiser.
7\25\02 - 2:31 AM GMT
the game will be right back after this
Rev. Smith's beloved web-based choose-your-own-adventure
epic BRAD: the
game is very temporarily off-line due to legal and
technical difficulty involving two giraffes, a busted
toaster oven, and a yak. The Greek Navy has been hired
at great expense to sort out the problems, and an expedient
resolution is expected by nearly everyone. Look for
the game to be back online and available once again
to its thousands and thousands of adoring fans in early
7\22\02 - 6:58 PM GMT
added to endangered list
After an alarming study released today by the Environmental
Protection Agency found only one sample of him left
outside of captivity, the US government acted quickly
adding The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith to the country's
endangered animals list. In addition to special new
protection from hunters and poachers, the government
will soon embark on a program to encourage Smith to
reproduce by surrounding him with eligible females of
his own species.
Friday 7\19\02 - 7:45 PM GMT
Epic of Joseph
Testament website updates today with seven new stories
comprising the Epic of Joseph. With these stories The
Reverend completes his illustrated version of the Book
of Genesis to with a total of thirty-seven stories
and five hundred and sixty-eight individual illustrations.
Truly an effort of biblical proportions.
7\14\02 - 1:53 PM GMT
The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was pigeonholed yesterday
by a mob of unruly teenagers. The incident began after
a pubescent male spotted Smith eating a cheeseburger
in public. Giving him a quizzical look, he proceeded
to point Smith out to nearby friends. Hoping to avoid
Smith put the cheeseburger in front of his face and
slowly backed his way toward the exit, but before he
could escape, the unruly teens had struck up a conversation,
making Smith admit he was the one behind that LEGO Bible
thing on the internet. Attempts to convince the teens
that there was "more to [him] that just that" were unsuccessful.
7\10\02 - 2:11 PM GMT
Noting continued sluggish performance during routine
tasks and occasional freeze-ups, The Rev. Brendan Powell
Smith's concerned girlfriend decided it was time to
call Customer Service. After a two hour wait to even
speak to someone, several inane suggestions were made
that did not improve the situation, occasionally making
it worse. Finally the exasperated representative gave
up and handed the phone over to God himself who recommended
that Smith be rebooted and his OS reinstalled. This
workaround, he explained, will have to suffice until
the new patch becomes available this Fall.
7\7\02 - 9:45 AM GMT
on Public Radio International
Rev. Smith is a guest on PRI's weekly Studio
360 program which airs today; see this
listing for exact times and stations. The ten-minute
segment, in which Smith talks with Jonathan Mitchell
about his Brick
Testament website, is part of a larger show
devoted to the topic of toys. This segment as well as
the rest of the show is archived on Studio
website and can be listened to over the web with
software from RealAudio.
7\2\02 - 6:10 PM GMT
Human Heads back online
Thanks to a multi-million dollar lawsuit involving
sixteen high-priced lawyers and several minor celebrities,
the debut album from Rev. Smith's band The
Human Heads is once again available on the web,
now at MusicBuilder.com.
"It feels good to finally have these songs available
to the public again," said a visibly relieved Smith
as he pushed his way past a gaggle of paparazzi, down
the courthouse steps, and into a waiting Geo Metro.
Said one moved onlooker, "justice has been served
a harsh blow to the ribs today."