- July 2005 -
2:38 AM GMT
Brick Testament presents: Jephthah!
website continues its illustration of the biblical Book
of Judges this week with the tale of Israel's eighth
judge, Jephthah. It's the moving story of a societal
outcast called upon to lead a violent massacre of a
foreign nation whom God had sent to oppress his chosen
people after turning His back on them. But
bloody victory turns to bloody tragedy when after a
foolishly worded vow, Jephthah finds himself murdering
and immolating his only daughter as a sacrifice to the
very God that had brought about Israel's oppression.
2:38 AM GMT
vows to fire whoever authorized Iraq war
Now that it has become known
that the US launched a war against Iraq under false
pretenses, President Bush today vowed that he will fire
whoever was responsible for authorizing that war. When
asked by reporters if he was aware that he himself,
as president and commander-in-chief of the United States
military had authorized the war, Bush responded that
there was, "a serious investigation into the matter
under way," and that he wants to know "all
the facts before jumping to any conclusions". After
talking with his advisors, Bush later modified his statement
to say that "if anyone has committed a crime by
authorizing the war in Iraq, that person will no longer
work for my administration."
2:38 AM GMT
declared "Mullet of the 00s"
The combed mohawk or "fauxhawk"
has officially been recognized as "The Mullet of
the 00s". Much like the "business in the front,
party in the back" mullet
before it, the fauxhawk represents a partial submission
to and partial flouting of societal norms, most commonly
worn as a sort of half-assed
against the powers that be. With ever-changing hipster
culture currently retro-focused on the fashions of 1978-1983,
it is expected that the mullet hairstyle itself will
become repopularized as an ironically-appreciated fashion
statement by fall of 2009.
10:51 PM GMT
surrenders to terrorists
In light of Thursday's stunning
defeat, the United Kingdom today had little choice but
to surrender control of their capital city to the terrorists.
"This unfortunate, necessary measure does not indicate
that they have broken our spirit," announced Prime
Minister Tony Blair from the government's temporary
headquarters in Birmingham. "We have lost this
battle, but we will win this war." As of 7pm GMT,
terrorist forces had installed a high-ranking evildoer
as provisional terrorist governor at 10 Downing Street.