Everything I Needed to Know I Learned by Watching

#5: How to Give Your Employees a Performance Review  
  1. Line up employees in a row
  2. Demand an apology for poor group performance; arbitrarily accept one apology, reject another
  3. When reviewing an individual's strengths and weaknesses, quickly alternate between nurturing, supportive, avuncular praise and sudden violent outbursts of utter disgust