Everything I Needed to Know I Learned by Watching

#1: How to Pick Up Women at a Bar  
  1. Wait for attractive woman to approach bar
  2. Listen for her drink order, then call her by that name
  3. Make reference to her nipples and to your own
  4. Repeatedly raise eyebrows seductively throughout
  5. If for some reason this plan fails, grab angrily at woman and hope over-aggressive bouncer does not see you