Brick Testament Xmas book now in Hungarian

Friday, December 21st, 2007 - 7:25 am PST

“Kellemes Karacsonyi Unnepeket!” Wishing you a merry Christmas in Hungarian can only mean one thing: The Brick Testament: The Story of Christmas has now been published in Hungarian! This new release brings the total number of languages in which Brick Testament books have been published up to seven! Congratulations to publishers Cinelink BT and Elefant es Kastely for this fine-looking addition to the Brick Testament canon, and for bringing holiday cheer to people from Koszeg to Debrecen.

Smith enters rehab, therapy

Monday, December 17th, 2007 - 3:50 am PST

An ailing Rev. Smith checked himself into rehab this week, and scheduled regular meetings with a therapist after finding himself unable to continue working at the computer without moderate pain and chronic wrist soreness. “I’m at the end of my rope,” stated a melodramatic Smith, “I have hit rock bottom.” Smith has been diagnosed by his primary care physician with Repetitive Strain Injury and will be taking several weeks off from The Brick Testament to attend physical therapy at a local hand rehabilitation clinic. Smith says he is “on the road to recovery”, and says to expect new illustrated Bible stories in January 2008.

Vendetta: A Christmas Story hits YouTube

Friday, December 14th, 2007 - 9:28 am PST

A desperate Santa Claus is on the run from the law in a dangerous game of cat and mouse! Yes, the classic indie holiday film Vendetta: A Christmas Story, written by and starring our very own Rev. Brendan Powell Smith, is back for another year of free internet viewing. And this year, it’s not just available in streaming Quicktime, mpg, and divx format, but you can also start viewing it right away on YouTube! Crack open a can of eggnog and get your ass in the holiday spirit, the hard way.

Americans no longer shocked by mass shootings

Monday, December 10th, 2007 - 12:45 pm PST

The two mass shootings this week at a Nebraska shopping mall and a Colorado church caused terrible grief and confusion for those directly affected, but failed to trigger a sense of shock and dismay among the American public. Experts believe the regularity of such tragedies has caused a collective numbing. “It’s like the way most Americans today feel nothing as they read in the local newspaper about fatal car accidents from the previous 24 hours,” says psychologist Mort Donovan. “People now are more surprised if six months pass without a young middle class American male shooting a semi-random selection of 5 to 25 people.”

Brick Testament - David, King of Israel

Thursday, November 15th, 2007 - 11:02 am PST

A brand new section of The Brick Testament website launches today called King David, covering the stories from the biblical books of 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles concerning David’s reign as king of all Israel. Join along for our first installment as David disenfranchises the original inhabitants of Jerusalem, expresses his hatred for the blind and lame, impregnates many different women, and exposes himself before God. While God, for his part, demands war on the Philistines and kills a man just for touching the ark.

Brick Testament - War and Dismemberance

Sunday, November 11th, 2007 - 4:16 am PST

As we find ourselves in the midst of another holiday season, it’s all too easy to get caught up in our modern secular traditions of gift-giving and human kindness, so why not take a few moments this year to get in touch with our religious heritage by viewing the latest heart-warming set of illustrated Bible stories over at The Brick Testament? They may not tell the story of the birth of Jesus, but I believe these King David stories are essential for anyone hoping to come to a full understanding of God. Happy holidays from The Brick Testament!

Americans super-informed of candidate finances, entirely unaware of candidate positions

Thursday, November 8th, 2007 - 9:14 am PST

Thanks to the US mainstream media’s singular obsession with comparing how much money the various 2008 presidential candidates have raised, average Americans have found themselves unwitting experts concerning up-to-the-minute info about candidate finances, while remaining entirely in the dark as to any political positions that differentiate the candidates. Said one TV news viewer in Billings, MT, “I’ll probably vote for Clinton since she has raised the most money. You need to have the most money to win, and she has the most money, so I’ll vote for her.”

Smith wears scariest Halloween costume of all

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007 - 11:53 pm PDT

At a gala New York City Halloween costume ball packed with boisterous revelers decked out in the most outlandishly lavish and grotesquely bizarre holiday ensembles, from a chainsaw-wielding ten-foot Martian vampire to a radioactive decapitated Papa Smurf, Rev. Smith yet managed to shock and disturb even the most jaded horror movie junkies in attendance by wearing what was widely recognized to be the single scariest Halloween costume of them all: man.

Child molester considering career as priest

Monday, October 22nd, 2007 - 8:36 pm PDT

Area gay child molester Donald Stevens, 29, announced today that he is seriously considering a career as a Catholic priest. Though raised a Methodist, Stevens says, “everything I’ve read about the Catholic church convinces me it would be a better fit.” Stevens believes the church’s close-knit male hierarchy will provide the structure he needs and will allow him to feel, in his words, “protected”. Though Stevens does not look forward to the four years of Catholic seminary ahead of him, surrounded by peers his own age, he believes it is a relatively small price to pay for a lifetime of being considered a trusted member of the community around whom “parents would feel safe leaving their little boys.”

Crazed Romney runs over Sen. Craig with bus

Monday, October 15th, 2007 - 7:46 pm PDT

Republican candidate for president Mitt Romney surrendered to police today after details became public about a bizarre recent incident in which an enraged Romney used his campaign tour bus to run over one-time political ally Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. “[Romney] threw me under his campaign bus,” stated Sen. Craig. “He not only threw me under his campaign bus, he backed up and ran over me again.” Though Romney is expected to plead guilty to attempted homicide, he is also expected to later take back that plea, and then to defy his fellow Republicans’ recommendation that he drop out of the 2008 presidential race.

Masturbation equally effective as prayer

Thursday, October 4th, 2007 - 10:49 am PDT

A new study released today finds that masturbation is as equally effective as prayer at bringing about particular states of affairs. Conducted over the course of five years, the study included 10,000 participants, half of whom were instructed to pray nightly before going to bed and to avoid masturbation, the other half to masturbate nightly before going to bed and avoid prayer. The results show that each ritual was exactly equally effective in bringing about the states of affairs passionately hoped for by the individual participants, whether it was winning at a sports contest, recovery of a loved one from illness, or an increase in world peace.

The Brick Testament - Saul’s last stand

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007 - 11:53 am PDT

The Brick Testament website has seen two new updates in the past two weeks, adding fourteen new illustrated stories that bring the epic saga of David vs Saul to a terrible and bloody climax and conclusion. With massacres, murders, decapitations, looting, polygamy, kidnappings, mutilations, and even a musical number, there truly is something for everyone in these heartwarming and always-inspiring Bible stories.