Smith, Danza together in buddy-cop movie

Tuesday, October 19th, 1999 - 5:13 am PDT

Veteran actor Tony Danza will team-up with Rev. Smith this fall to film the buddy-cop action movie Hard to Swallow.  Danza will star as Tony Spazamazoni, a tough but fair cop who’s been around the block.  His partner, an over-eager beginner named Dan Chase, will be played by Macaulay Culkin.  Their arch nemesis, an evil drug-running psychotic killer will be played by the venerable Tom Skerrit.  It is believed that Smith will have a brief role as an extra somewhere during the film’s opening credits.

Penis caught in zipper

Sunday, October 17th, 1999 - 1:16 am PDT

Rev. Smith suffered a minor injury and major blow to his ego last night when just before going to bed, while zipping up his one-piece pajamas, he accidentally got his penis caught.  This is the first time this has happened to The Reverend since he was nine years of age.  “Ow, fuck, fuck, fuck!” said Smith.

Reverend’s Y2K-compatibility questioned

Wednesday, October 13th, 1999 - 10:40 pm PDT

Top scientists and technology experts today expressed concerns about Rev. Smith’s Y2K compatibility at an international symposium.  “Smith was created in the early 1970s and does not have the ability to express the current year using more than 2 digits,” explained Charles Mikulis, professor of Humanetics at Brown University, “consequently, at exactly midnight of Dec. 31, 1999, his head will explode.”

Smith meets President at historic summit

Saturday, October 9th, 1999 - 12:37 pm PDT

Recently Rev. Smith paid a visit to the Jones Soda World Headquarters in Vancouver, British Columbia, where he held talks with Urban Juice & Soda president Peter Van Stolk and close aid, Jones Soda webmaster Ernest Von Rosen.  “I feel confident that these talks will result a new era of prosperity for Jones Soda collectors such as myself,” said Smith.

Rev. Smith declared “World’s Tallest Midget”

Monday, October 4th, 1999 - 9:35 am PDT

Standing nearly 6″1′, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was this morning declared by the ICHS (International Committee on Heights and Sizes) to be the tallest midget alive.  Smith accepted the honor in a televised ceremony from Rotterdam.  ”Today, I feel huge,” declared Smith just before falling flat on his ass to the delight of thousands of noteworthy onlookers.

Brussels concert canceled

Saturday, October 2nd, 1999 - 1:49 pm PDT

Citing “dreadfully poor weather conditions” and “the fact that I’m not currently on tour”, Rev. Smith held a brief press conference today to announce that the unplanned, non-booked performance by The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith which was never scheduled to take place this Tuesday at 8pm at the National Performing Arts Center in Brussels, will indeed not be happening. “Sorry,” he added.

Guest appearance on WB’s Felicity

Wednesday, September 29th, 1999 - 12:10 pm PDT

Rev. Smith will have a very brief guest appearance on an episode of the WB’s Felicity to be broadcast sometime this season.  In the episode, Smith plays Strickland Fozworth III, an uppity Teacher’s Assistant in Felicity’s medieval literature class who wrongly accuses Felicity of cheating.  This mark’s Smith’s first foray into acting since he starred in Vendetta: a Christmas Story.

Mmmmmmm… fondue

Friday, September 24th, 1999 - 8:37 pm PDT

The pleasures of a steaming pot of swiss cheese fondue were discovered last night by Rev. Smith as he dined with friends at the Chateau Amalaine in Bonn, Switzerland. “Holy %#&!, that tastes good,” Smith was heard to say under his breath as he dipped such items as french bread, fresh mushrooms, and slices of apple into the delicious melted cheese before consuming them.