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The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith

Silence!

Tuesday, December 11th, 2001 - 8:52 pm PST

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith’s call for a worldwide moment of silence today was largely ignored by the masses. People in large part went on with their usual business of creating a general racket despite Smith’s request for ten minutes of peace in remembrance of all things that have ever come to pass. Not only was the moment of silence continually disrupted by talking, loud music, and noisy machinery, but nature itself refused to comply, the wind rustling leaves and creating a nuisance. By 5pm Smith gave up, sighed, and went on with life.

Merry Christmas from The Brick Testament

Friday, December 7th, 2001 - 4:30 pm PST

Just in time for the holidays, Rev. Smith’s The Brick Testament updates with a brand new story: Jesus is Born. See all your favorite nativity characters richly brought to life as never before in cold, hard, lifeless LEGO brand building blocks. Then, why not go watch Vendetta: A Christmas Story? Go. Do it now.

Two identical snowflakes found

Tuesday, December 4th, 2001 - 1:21 pm PST

Defying the long-held belief that no two snowflakes are ever exactly alike, Rev. Smith yesterday found two snowflakes that were exactly alike. “Two snowflakes fell from the sky right onto my gloved hand,” stated Smith, “and I examined them: they were both exactly alike.” Smith was preparing to bring the snowflakes to a lab to verify his finding when both snowflakes unexpectedly melted. Scientists believe that the identical snowflakes may be the result of low-level radiation in Smith’s hometown, or that he may be lying.

Christmas is on!

Saturday, December 1st, 2001 - 8:19 am PST

It’s December 1st, and though some of us eagerly broke out the holiday decorations as early as the day after Halloween, even the most conservative among us will now tell you that the Christmas season has officially begun. The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith kicked things off at the stroke of midnight with his traditional chugging of a gallon of store-bought eggnog. Then he vomited. A lot.

Terrorist plot foiled

Thursday, November 29th, 2001 - 7:44 am PST

Rev. Smith’s secret plot to blow up San Francisco’s Bay Bridge, possibly killing thousands of commuters and causing billions of dollars in damage was prevented today when fractions of a second after he hatching the diabolical plan, Smith thought better of it. “I’d been stuck in bridge traffic for over an hour,” explained Smith, who so far has not been taken into custody, “when this asshole cut me off for no reason. So then this idea flashed through my mind to just blowup this whole godforsaken traffic nightmare. But then, you know, I realized it was just a stupid idea.”

The Old Testament strikes back

Saturday, November 17th, 2001 - 3:29 pm PST

Rev. Smith’s Brick Testament site updates again today with seven new illustrated stories from the Old Testament, from The Tower of Babel to The Seduction of Lot. Painstakingly hand-crafted by hand, each of these intricately detailed LEGO tableaus represents over 1,200 man-hours of work and are the product of a poorly-paid team of Chinese sweatshop workers under the direction of Rev. Smith. Enjoy.

Shit out of luck

Monday, November 12th, 2001 - 10:54 am PST

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith revealed today that he is shit out of luck. “I don’t want to get into the details,” said an exhausted Smith, slumped over a podium and dressed in pajamas, “but suffice it to say recent events have conspired in such a way as to have left me in a state which can best be summed up as ’shit out of luck’.” Asian markets were off 1.7% as investors nervously wait to see what affect Smith’s announcement will have on the US economy.

Baseball reduced to two teams

Thursday, November 8th, 2001 - 1:55 pm PST

Due to waning interest, the Major League Baseball Commission has voted to reduce the number of teams in the league to two. The first downsizing of the league since 1898 met with reactions across the country that ranged from mild indifference to lukewarm acceptance. “This will be a real shot in the arm for baseball,” stated Commissioner Lou Grenwall before nodding off. The two remaining teams, the New York Yankees and the Chicago Cubs will face each other 162 times next season and are both heavy favorites to make the play-offs.

Smith throws baby out with bathwater

Monday, November 5th, 2001 - 9:14 pm PST

Rev. Smith’s first stint as a baby sitter went horribly awry yesterday when he accidentally threw the baby out with the bathwater. “The kid had just pooped himself,” explained a flabbergasted Smith, “so I thought he should have a bath.” Smith did not realize what he had done until hours later when the child’s parents returned home and demanded to see their son. “We searched the whole house and couldn’t find him. Um, oops.”

Brendan Smith dead at 73

Friday, November 2nd, 2001 - 6:20 am PST

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith found out second hand today that he was dead at age 73 of lung cancer. Though never having smoked a cigarette in his life, and feeling like he was only 28 years old mere moments ago, Smith nevertheless is now dead according to an article in today’s Los Angeles Times. Asked for his comments on this surprising turn of events, Smith paused to offer his deepest condolences for himself, and then picked up his shovel and resumed digging his own grave.

Jesus! The Brick Testament updated!

Sunday, October 28th, 2001 - 11:43 pm PST

Just as it crests 30,000 hits in only three weeks online, Rev. Smith’s The Brick Testament announces the release of ten brand new Bible stories done entirely in LEGO building blocks. While the site’s original six stories covered the book of Genesis up through The Flood, the new update turns its attention to The New Testament, featuring stories from John the Baptist right through to Jesus’s untimely demise, nailed to a plank of wood just outside of Jerusalem.

“here come the heads” in contention

Thursday, October 25th, 2001 - 5:25 pm PDT

Although originally released eleven months ago in November 2000, Rev. Smith’s band The Human Heads’s debut album was mired in legal turmoil and not generally available to the public until spring 2001. As such, it is being considered by many critics as a likely contender for their Top Ten albums of 2001. If you have yet to hear this landmark release, head over to thehumanheads.com today.