SPIN features The Brick Testament

Sunday, January 27th, 2002 - 1:48 am PST

Look on page 41 of the February issue of SPIN magazine (with KISS on the cover) for a full-page feature on Rev. Smith’s The Brick Testament website. The article incorrectly lists thereverend.com as the address for The Brick Testament, but clicking anywhere on this paragraph will bring you directly to The Brick Testament. Enjoy.

The sky is falling

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002 - 3:32 pm PST

Scientists are reporting today strong evidence to support the age-old theory that the sky is indeed falling. “After eons of remaining stationary, the sky has been moving steadily lower, and is now at an alarmingly low altitude above earth,” explained Professor Melvin Shanks of Cornell. A rival theory published in the Canadian Journal of Science posits that the sky continues to remain stationary while the earth has recently been expanding outward. What both theories agree upon, however, is that humans are positively to blame for this.

Robbing the cradle

Friday, January 18th, 2002 - 9:28 am PST

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith has recently been spotted in the company of a girl 26 years his younger. It is further reported that he has been secretly removing items from the cage-like structure in which she resides. Stolen items to date include a rattle, a plush doll, and a pacifier. Asked how he could do such a thing, Smith said, “It’s just so easy - like taking candy from a baby.”

Smith takes candy from baby

Tuesday, January 15th, 2002 - 2:20 pm PST

In a move that has sharply divided critics, Smith yesterday took candy from a baby. He then ate the candy as the baby looked on, weeping loudly. “With this seemingly abhorrent act,” noted a local anesthesiologist, “Smith has actually reached out compassionately, saving this child from the dangers of tooth decay and potential obesity, while taking on these risks for himself.” Said another local passerby, “what an asshole.”

100% of men are homosexual

Friday, January 11th, 2002 - 12:12 pm PST

A new study published today by the Kinsey Institute reveals the surprising statistic that 100% of all men are homosexual. This new finding updates the long held belief that gays counted for a mere 10% of the general population. “According to our findings,” explained Dr. Yung Moustaff, “the old 10% statistic only covers those men who are openly gay. We now believe that the other 90% are either ‘in the closet’ or in an unhealthy state of denial.” Also revealed in the study is that only 1 in 20 men have ever masturbated to orgasm.

Man eaten alive by Christians

Monday, January 7th, 2002 - 2:25 pm PST

Police are investigating an act of apparent cannibalism at a local church where it is believed a man was eaten alive during a ritual ceremony on Sunday morning. The name of the victim has not yet been revealed, but several eyewitness accounts report that a white male in his early thirties was consumed by those in attendance, his flesh eaten, and the his blood passed around in a cup for all to drink. It is not yet known whether this incident is related to other acts of cannibalism that have been reported taking place at Christian churches in other areas over the past 2,000 years.

The critics agree

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002 - 10:14 pm PST

In an unprecedented act of unity and conformity, the world’s critics today came to a universal agreement. “I can’t think of any other occasion on which all of us have come to such 100% complete agreement,” said a visibly excited Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun Times. “This is truly a momentous occasion,” agreed Rex Reed of the New York Observer, “every one of us is in agreement here.” Asked whether or not he agrees, noted film critic Leonard Maltin said, “yes.”

Gov’t issues Y2K2 bug warning

Sunday, December 30th, 2001 - 7:53 pm PST

The US government today issued a warning about the possibility of major power outages, natural disasters, and other calamities which may result from what is being called the Y2K2 bug. Those same computer programmers who saved us from the Y2K bug just two years ago were not forward-thinking enough to program computers to recognize any year past 2001. Come Tuesday morning, your computer may erroneously believe that it is January 1, 1982. The government strongly recommends you unplug any electrical devices for at least a week, lest they turn on you, become sentient, and plot to destroy the human race.

Vendetta on Slashdot again

Wednesday, December 26th, 2001 - 3:19 am PST

The crushing force of thousands of geeks reading slashdot.org and then stampeding over to watch part two of Rev. Smith in Vendetta: A Christmas Story brought down its host server for several hours on Christmas day. Some may recall this same thing happened with part one. By nightfall there came offers to mirror the movie files, the site came back online, and everything was right with the world once again.

Brick Testament featured in UK’s Independent

Sunday, December 23rd, 2001 - 2:15 am PST

The color insert section of today’s edition of the Independent on Sunday will be features a piece on Rev. Smith’s LEGO Bible creation The Brick Testament. A special version of the nativity scene from the Jesus Is Born story was created and photographed for the piece, and it is expected to be accompanied by a short interview. Look for it today on newsstands across the UK.

Cure sought for common cold

Wednesday, December 19th, 2001 - 2:46 pm PST

Rev. Smith, who recently revealed that he suffers from the common cold, has shown extreme bravery since being diagnosed, becoming an overnight celebrity spokesperson for the fight to cure the common cold. A telethon he hosted on Sunday raised over $18 million, and although doctors cautioned him against it, Smith took part in a 10 mile walk to raise money and awareness about the illness which temporarily partially impairs millions of Americans each year, and costs its victims hundreds of thousands of dollars in money for cough drops and tissue paper.

Snowman comes to life, 2 killed, 9 injured

Saturday, December 15th, 2001 - 11:52 am PST

In an event scientists, philosophers, religious believers, and the police are still struggling to understand, two children were killed and nine others injured when a snowman they had built unexpectedly came to life and immediately went on rampage. Bodies of the victims lay strewn across a nearby snowy field as police and swat teams surrounded the building where the living snowman had holed up with hostages. When negotiations broke down, police stormed the greenhouse only to find six frightened children, a small cache of weapons, and large puddle of water.