BRAD: the game is back

Sunday, August 4th, 2002 - 2:27 pm PDT

There was rejoicing in the streets today accompanying Rev. Smith’s announcement that the BRAD: the game website is back online. The twelve-minute televised announcement was simulcast to over eight countries, and culminated in a surprise guest appearance by Webster himself, who gave Brad a tremendous hi-five, then apparently stormed off the stage in a huff. It is reported that Webster was paid $1,200 for his seven-second appearance.

Homosexual men are totally gay

Friday, August 2nd, 2002 - 5:04 pm PDT

Can you believe these guys? Homosexual men are so totally gay! I was visiting San Francisco last weekend, and I saw two guys kissing right out in in public. That’s gay! And what’s with these male-male couples forming committed relationships? I mean, how gay is that? And when I think about what must go on their bedrooms, I mean, I’m not one to judge or anything, but really! Could these homosexuals be any more gay?

7 injured in Brick Testament protest

Wednesday, July 31st, 2002 - 7:55 am PDT

A mostly peaceful protest outside Rev. Smith’s suburban home suddenly turned violent yesterday when a local paperboy accidentally crashed his bike into a group of approximately thirty protesters, causing a panic in which seven people were injured, including two sprained ankles. A spokesperson for the protesters, who identified themselves as Unilateral Christians, later denounced the paperboy’s “attack” as “possibly not an accident at all.”

BRAD: the game will be right back after this

Thursday, July 25th, 2002 - 2:31 am PDT

Rev. Smith’s beloved web-based choose-your-own-adventure epic BRAD: the game is very temporarily off-line due to legal and technical difficulty involving two giraffes, a busted toaster oven, and a yak. The Greek Navy has been hired at great expense to sort out the problems, and an expedient resolution is expected by nearly everyone. Look for the game to be back online and available once again to its thousands and thousands of adoring fans in early August 2002.

Smith added to endangered list

Monday, July 22nd, 2002 - 6:58 pm PDT

After an alarming study released today by the Environmental Protection Agency found only one sample of him left outside of captivity, the US government acted quickly adding The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith to the country’s endangered animals list. In addition to special new protection from hunters and poachers, the government will soon embark on a program to encourage Smith to reproduce by surrounding him with eligible females of his own species.

The Epic of Joseph

Friday, July 19th, 2002 - 7:45 pm PDT

The Brick Testament website updates today with seven new stories comprising the Epic of Joseph. With these stories The Reverend completes his illustrated version of the Book of Genesis to with a total of thirty-seven stories and five hundred and sixty-eight individual illustrations. Truly an effort of biblical proportions.


Sunday, July 14th, 2002 - 1:53 pm PDT

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith was pigeonholed yesterday by a mob of unruly teenagers. The incident began after a pubescent male spotted Smith eating a cheeseburger in public. Giving him a quizzical look, he proceeded to point Smith out to nearby friends. Hoping to avoid confrontation, Smith put the cheeseburger in front of his face and slowly backed his way toward the exit, but before he could escape, the unruly teens had struck up a conversation, making Smith admit he was the one behind that LEGO Bible thing on the internet. Attempts to convince the teens that there was “more to [him] that just that” were unsuccessful.

Customer service

Wednesday, July 10th, 2002 - 2:11 pm PDT

Noting continued sluggish performance during routine tasks and occasional freeze-ups, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith’s concerned girlfriend decided it was time to call Customer Service. After a two hour wait to even speak to someone, several inane suggestions were made that did not improve the situation, occasionally making it worse. Finally the exasperated representative gave up and handed the phone over to God himself who recommended that Smith be rebooted and his OS reinstalled. This workaround, he explained, will have to suffice until the new patch becomes available this Fall.

Smith on Public Radio International

Sunday, July 7th, 2002 - 9:40 am PDT

Rev. Smith is a guest on PRI’s weekly Studio 360 program which airs today; see this listing for exact times and stations. The ten-minute interview segment, in which Smith talks with Jonathan Mitchell about his Brick Testament website, is part of a larger show devoted to the topic of toys. This segment as well as the rest of the show is archived on Studio 360’s website and can be listened to over the web with software from RealAudio.

The Human Heads back online

Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002 - 6:10 pm PDT

Thanks to a multi-million dollar lawsuit involving sixteen high-priced lawyers and several minor celebrities, the debut album from Rev. Smith’s band The Human Heads is once again available on the web. “It feels good to finally have these songs available to the public again,” said a visibly relieved Smith as he pushed his way past a gaggle of paparazzi, down the courthouse steps, and into a waiting Geo Metro. Said one moved onlooker, “justice has been served a harsh blow to the ribs today.”

Smith falls of face of Earth

Friday, June 28th, 2002 - 11:29 am PDT

Whilst out for a routine stroll around the block this morning, Rev. Smith accidentally tripped on a discarded fax machine and went tumbling right off the face of the Earth. This is the third time such an event has happened to him this week and scientists are working around the clock to understand why it is that gravity does not appear to be holding Smith down as well as it should, but so far have made little progress. In the meantime they are urging Smith to put on an extra 50 to 60 lbs. to keep himself a little better anchored.

The Pledge of Allegiance debate resolved

Sunday, June 23rd, 2002 - 3:18 pm PDT

The uproar caused this week by a federal court’s ruling that the words “under God” make the reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance in public schools unconstitutional was finally laid to rest today with Rev. Smith’s elegant solution to the problem. Congress is widely expected to quickly pass a resolution in support of Smith’s proposal that the words “or not” be inserted into the pledge just after “under God” in order to please both sides of the debate. Smith’s further proposal that “or not” also be added after the word “indivisible” was resolutely rejected as too goddamn wishy-washy.