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The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith

Rev. Smith speaks out on Irish Radio

Thursday, January 23rd, 2003 - 5:44 pm PST

Dublin, Ireland’s Spin 103.8 radio station today featured The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith as a guest on their SpinTalk programme. Smith talked with hosts Jack and Ali about what it takes to illustrate the Bible in LEGO, how Smith came to be called ‘The Reverend’, and the music of Smith’s band The Human Heads. Smith revealed that he was in fact “half-Irish” and that both his first and last names reflect that heritage.

Animal sacrifice

Saturday, January 18th, 2003 - 8:16 pm PST

Looking for a way to atone for his recent sins, Rev. Smith turned to his trusted friend, The Bible, and soon knew what must be done. He went into the nearby fields and took a young ram, unblemished, and two young sheep. He brought them up on the hill and there slaughtered them before God at an altar he had built. He poured all their blood over the altar, and set their pile of entrails on fire. The resultant smell was pleasing to God, and soon all of Smith’s sins were forgiven.

Smith caught having catered affair

Monday, January 13th, 2003 - 1:14 pm PST

Rev. Smith’s longtime girlfriend Lila was distraught today upon discovering that for the past six weeks her boyfriend has been carrying on catered affairs. Shortly after departing for work this morning, Lila grew suspicious when she noticed a Mike’s Catering van headed in the opposite direction. She followed the van back and watched as two men brought in row after row of pre-prepared dishes into her own house. Finally she stormed inside the house to confront Smith who was caught in a compromising position by the buffet table

Six months to live

Tuesday, January 7th, 2003 - 7:03 pm PST

During The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith’s recent trip to the doctor, it was revealed that he has only six months left to live. “It’s a fatal condition,” explained Smith’s doctor, “and I’m afraid it’s just a matter of time at this point.” Asked if there was any chance for a last minute cure, the doctor shook his head, whispered “no”, and turned to go. Rev. Smith was shaken by the news, but soon came to terms with it, stating “we all have our time, I suppose. And at 97 years old, Dr. Timmerman has lead a full life.”

Happy Twenty-oh-three!

Friday, January 3rd, 2003 - 11:40 am PST

It’s three days into the new year, and Rev. Smith remains resolute in his stance that this year should be pronounced not as “Two Thousand Three” as is the common custom, but rather as “Twenty-oh-Three”, which, he argues, is in keeping with previous centuries in which dates like 1903 or 1203 would pronounced “Nineteen-oh-Three” or “Twelve-oh-Three”. “Who ever came up with this ‘The Year Two Thousand’ crap anyhow?” asked a visibly perturbed Smith. “Three years ago was the start of ‘Twenty-Hundred’, dammit.”

Man accused of viewing illustrated Bible

Sunday, December 29th, 2002 - 12:32 pm PST

UK’s The Sunday Mercury is running a story today about a man who has resigned from his job after having been accused of, among other things, viewing illustrated Bible stories at TheBrickTestament.com. Although the viewing of illustrated Bible stories is not a crime according to UK law, 65-year-old Pat McLoughlin has had his computer and other personal items seized by police. In addition to viewing Bible stories illustrated in LEGO, McLoughlin is also alleged to have visited a website that assists marriage-minded men find eligible brides.

Smith participates in ‘Yankee swap’

Friday, December 27th, 2002 - 10:51 pm PST

Eyebrows were raised today when local newspapers leaked that over the holidays The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith had participated in a esoteric group activity known as a ‘Yankee swap’. Strongly denying any wrongdoing on his part, Smith characterized the event, which took place at his uncle’s residence, as a “fun holiday tradition” which “brings great pleasure to all those involved”. He admitted, however, that not all the swapping is necessarily consensual, and that “occasionally someone gets screwed.”

Smith ceases, desists

Wednesday, December 18th, 2002 - 7:12 pm PST

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith spent the day ceasing and desisting today after receiving an unexpected cease and desist order in the mail this morning. A lawyer for Rev. Smith issued a statement this evening explaining that there is little that Smith can do in this situation, and that any further activity of any sort on his part would most likely not be in compliance with the cease and desist order. He has therefore strongly advised his client to be on the safe side.

The Ten Commandments

Friday, December 13th, 2002 - 12:03 pm PST

Thou shalt go to The Brick Testament. Thou shalt see the six new illustrated stories that are now online including The Golden Calf and the Ark of the Covenant. Thou shalt not pass Go. Thou shalt not collect $200. Thou shalt not roll doubles three times, else thou shalt stay in jail for three turns. Thou mayest leasve jail if thou payest $50. Thou mayest also get out of jail by rolling a seven or eleven. Thou shalt not commit adultery. If thou commitest adultery, thou shalt go to jail for three turns.

Vendetta: A Christmas Story

Saturday, December 7th, 2002 - 9:14 pm PST

It’s that time of year again. Time to settle in with our loved ones, kick back, pour ourselves a big, frosty mug of eggnog, and dump it over our own heads. If you’re like me, then nothing gives you greater while pleasure than than bathing in eggnog watching those classic holiday specials… from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to Vendetta: A Christmas Story. Especially the latter one. Cause it’s awesome.

Save $400 this holiday shopping season!

Sunday, December 1st, 2002 - 6:27 am PST

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith is urging everyone to save $400 this holiday shopping season. “I just have a feeling,” explained Smith, “that otherwise, come January, people are really going to wish they had saved that money.” Smith went on to say that if people don’t feel they can trust themselves not to spend that kind of money during the craziness of Christmas rush, they are welcome to send it to him for safekeeping.

Turkey Day

Thursday, November 28th, 2002 - 11:03 am PST

Across the world today, man celebrates his prehistoric victory over turkeys by taking part in the annual family ritual of catching a turkey, cooking it, stuffing it with savory delights, and then devouring it until there is nothing left but bones. But Rev. Smith attempts recapture some of the thrill man’s original prehistoric glory by waking up early and wrestling a full-grown male turkey at the crack of dawn and then devouring it live. There are some who would call this ritual barbaric and cruel, but for Smith it is a deeply symbolic act, fraught with profound emotion and a grim sense of duty. Asked what he would do if one day the turkey was the victor in the wresting match, Smith shuddered and said, “I hadn’t really stopped to consider that.”