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The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith

The Brick Testament book in German, Japanese

Monday, May 3rd, 2004 - 12:50 pm PDT

The two axis countries of World War II that America and its allies fought so hard to defeat will soon have their own versions of Rev. Smith’s hit book The Brick Testament: Stories from the Book of Genesis. German publisher Sanssouci (an imprint of Carl Hanser) will be printing a first run of 10,000 copies of the book to be released this Fall. The Japanese translation of the book will be published by Futami. A release date is not yet known for the Japanese book, but it is expected within the next 18 months.

Smith on crack

Sunday, April 25th, 2004 - 5:50 pm PDT

Hard up for cash, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith this week singed-up for a medical study on the effects of crack cocaine on healthy male adults between the ages of 25 and 30. The study is being conducted at Stanford University by Dr. Humphrey Wassenbottom. He explains, “Participants have been asked to supplement their normal daily diet with twenty 1/10 gram tablets, or “rocks”, of crack cocaine.” Twelve days into the two-week study, asked how he was feeling, Smith looked up from the floor where had been rocking back and forth in a fetal position for the past several hours, shaking and sobbingly gently, and remarked, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!” Smith will receive $250 for his time, plus 14 cents per mile in gas money.

8-second circumcisions

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004 - 11:04 am PDT

Men, have you always wanted to look a little thinner around the penis? Do you find yourself envious when you catch sight of a Jewish man wearing no pants? Have you been secretly longing to rid yourself of that cumbersome foreskin, but just never had the time for a lengthy overnight stay at a hospital? Well, now you can stand up proudly and say, “Circumcise me!” because thanks to modern axe technology, The Chopping Block is now offering 8-second circumcisions for the ridiculously low price of only $19.95. Walk-in customers are welcomed. Look for drive-up service to begin in Spring 2005.

Smith on Tech-TV’s Unscrewed tonight

Monday, April 19th, 2004 - 12:39 am PDT

This evening, Monday, April 19th, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith will be a guest on the popular Tech-TV program Unscrewed. Join host Martin Sargent as he chats with Smith about the success of his Brick Testament website and book, and learns why Smith has dedicated himself to illustrating the entire Bible in LEGO bricks. The show airs at 11:30pm EST and 8:30 PST. Check your local listings — and see this page to find out if your cable or satellite provider even offers Tech-TV.

Fuck you, we’re going to Arby’s™

Saturday, April 3rd, 2004 - 1:53 pm PST

Three years after fast food chain Arby’s hired Rev. Smith to provide a much-needed shot in the arm to their public image, Smith has once again provided the company with a punchy new slogan for their TV and print ads. The first 30-second spot aired last night during an episode of The West Wing. Several attractive twenty-something couples are seen bickering over where to eat dinner, when suddenly one of them says, “Fuck you, we’re going to Arby’s.” We then cut to a shot of the defiant couple heartily enjoying a meal of roast beef sandwiches, Jamocha shakes, and curly fries. It is unknown how much or whether Smith was paid for his services.

Tupac Shakur releases 32nd posthumous album

Monday, March 29th, 2004 - 4:39 pm PST

For the 32nd time since his untimely death at the age of 25 in September 1996, Tupac Shakur has released a new album. The new double-CD Ova My Dead Body is the first since last month’s simultaneous releases of Str8 Out Tha Crypt and Rememba Me? I’m Dead. Several other deceased rappers make featured appearances on Tupac’s new album including Eazy-E (1963-1995), Notorious B.I.G. (1972-1997), Big Punisher (1971-2000), and Vanilla Ice (1968-1994). Tupac is also slated to appear in the upcoming John Singleton movie Luke Cage and will have a recurring role on next season’s UPN hit sitcom All of Us.

Smith considers becoming reclusive author

Wednesday, March 24th, 2004 - 2:31 am PST

With the success of his first Brick Testament book, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith is considering becoming a reclusive author. “It’s not that my fame has become a burden to me just yet,” explained Smith in a telephone interview. “It’s just that there aren’t a lot of other career paths where you even get the option of becoming reclusive. So it seems that I should at least give some consideration to moving into a rural country home in some unnamed state, declining all interviews, and only contacting the outside world through my literary agent.” Smith says his mind is far from made up, and that he is still also considering the option of becoming a media whore.

New study on dangers of reality TV

Friday, March 19th, 2004 - 10:10 am PST

Every time you sit in front of the TV and watch a so-called “reality TV” show, you lose about 60 minutes from your life. Such is the startling findings of a new study in this month’s New England Journal of Medicine. “While an hour here or there might not seem like much,” said Dr. Stanislaw Eckert, “they quickly add up. Even a casual viewer of shows like Adultery Island or Celebrity Pet Mortuary can be losing precious weeks — even months off their lives that could have been spent watching other highly engrossing TV shows, such as televised sports or 1980s sitcom reruns.”

Gibson’s movie receives high praise

Tuesday, March 9th, 2004 - 5:53 pm PST

Church groups across the United States and abroad are turning out in droves to support the controversial Mel Gibson movie that some have described as being misguided and “too violent”. “Yes, there is a great amount of suffering depicted in this movie,” said Rev. Amos Henry of Blackburn, SC, “but it is all integral to the story. Gibson is to be commended.” Critics of the movie have expressed particular outrage at the scene in which Gibson’s character shoots a man in the foot and shoulder before placing a pillow over his face and shooting him in the head. Payback, released in 1999, is the tale of a low-life criminal who goes on a murderous rampage seeking vengeance and $70,000 in cash.

Bush revokes right of women to vote

Friday, March 5th, 2004 - 12:08 pm PST

President Bush today signed the Defense of Democracy Act which officially defines voting rights as belonging only to males. “The treatment of women as second-class citizens,” said Bush, “is one of the most enduring human institutions, practiced over the millennia of human experience, in all cultures and by every religious faith.” Bush went on to declare that “ages of experience have taught humanity that the restricting the vote to males promotes the general welfare and the stability of society”. By signing the act, Bush seeks to “return America to the sort of place our forefathers envisioned when they ratified our constitution.” Over the upcoming weeks, Bush is expected to sign an bill that would further restrict the vote to land-owning males and another act that would re-legalize the institution of slavery.

The Brick Testament: now back in stock!

Saturday, February 28th, 2004 - 1:05 pm PST

After nearly two months of being sold out in stores across America, Rev. Smith’s hit book The Brick Testament: Stories from the Book of Genesis is finally back in stock. The arrival of the official second printing is expected to bring a halt to the practice of selling bootleg versions of Smith’s book on the black market. Usually comprised of little more than hastily stapled together black-and-white photocopies of print-outs from Smith’s Brick Testament website, these “pirated” books were being peddled by shady vendors standing just outside major booksellers like Borders, Walmart, and Barnes & Noble.

Rev. Smith interviewed in Toyfare magazine

Monday, February 23rd, 2004 - 5:57 pm PST

The February 2004 issue of Toyfare magazine features an interview with Rev. Smith on page 14 which includes the phrase “a zombified Charles Dickens”. A scan of the article can be seen on the Brick Testament press page. Other recent additions to the press page include a pair of Brick Testament features from The Written Word, a monthly newspaper out of Hilton Head Island, SC, a 3-page feature and interview in Swiss art magazine Anne et Belle, and an interview with Rev. Smith on the British website JohnHenry.net.