Ehud! Shamgar!

Friday, March 18th, 2005 - 11:49 pm PST

Those two words can only mean one thing: The Brick Testament website has been updated today with two new stories chronicling the careers of Israel’s second and third of the Judges, Ehud and Shamgar. (Yes, they are totally as cool as their names would imply.) And if you happened to have missed out on Rev. Smith’s Ten Commandments book signing event at the Borders Books in Sunnyvale, CA, this evening, just so you don’t feel completely left out, here’s a photo of Rev. Smith right before being ravaged by an onslaught of rabid Brick Testament fans.

Brief cameo in Sci-Fi Network’s Mansquito

Saturday, March 12th, 2005 - 3:35 pm PST

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith can be seen on TV tonight in a brief and uncredited bit part in the Sci-Fi Picture’s original movie Mansquito. The chilling tale of an escaped convict who mutates into a half-man, half-mosquito and terrorizes a city stars Corin Nemec (Parker Lewis Can’t Lose) and Musetta Vander (a poor man’s Melinda Clarke from The OC). Smith’s role in the movie is that of an unfortunate hospital employee who finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time, and is quickly felled by title creature. He approximate screen time in the movie is .75 seconds.

Here come da judge!

Friday, March 11th, 2005 - 2:16 pm PST

Four new illustrated stories from the Book of Judges have been added to The Brick Testament website today, culminating in the story of Israel’s first judge: Othniel. While Othniel may not be a household name (forever overshadowed by his only-slightly-less-obscure older brother Caleb), he did accomplish some fairly noteworthy things in Israel’s history, such as marrying his own niece, and then saving his people from the eight years of slavery that God had angrily sold them into.

Asleep at the wheel

Monday, February 28th, 2005 - 9:28 pm PST

Tired after a long day of drunken debauchery, a woozy Rev. Smith got behind the wheel of his ‘78 AMC Gremlin, stepped on the gas pedal, and promptly fell asleep. Friends found him hours later, his head against the steering column, the car lodged in a ditch in the woods behind Smith’s house. “Good thing that car hasn’t run in, like, twenty years,” said a close friend, pulling Smith’s limp and drooling body out the missing passenger side door, “Why does he even keep this thing?” Smith was dragged back inside the house where he was administered coffee and french toast until he came back to his senses. “More coffee, please,” said Smith.

Perfect memory

Monday, February 28th, 2005 - 5:50 pm PST

While flipping through the channels late last night, Rev. Smith became horrified after coming across a rerun of 80s sitcom Perfect Strangers and realizing that he remembered this episode. “Agh! This is awful,” said Smith, “it’s not like I even used to watch this show, and yet I actually recall from memory how this episode ends.” Smith paused for a moment to gather his thoughts and then continued. “Do you realize what this means? It means that a physical part of my brain is dedicated to remembering the plotline of this terrible TV show from 18 years ago. See?” said Smith, “I knew Balki was about to do that. God, why doesn’t my memory have an erase button?”

Hey, man, don’t you judge me!

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 - 1:05 pm PST

The Brick Testament website has been updated today with four new stories which mark the official launch of its illustration of the biblical book of Judges. While you may not currently be familiar with the twelve heroic judges who rose up to guide the Israelites through their troubled years before the establishment of the monarchy (as opposed to their troubled years in Egyptian slavery, their troubled years wandering in the desert, and their very troubled years after the monarchy), I think you will find that each story from the book of Judges has some very, very special to teach us all.

Watched pot fails to boil

Thursday, February 17th, 2005 - 2:16 pm PST

Rev. Smith spent several hours this morning watching a pot full of water on his stove to see if it would begin to boil while under his observation. “I put the water on the stove at 7:14 AM,” said Smith. “I then watched and waited. Normally when I put water on to boil, it takes five to seven minutes maximum. But two and a half hours later, this water still had failed to boil under my watch.” At 11:28 AM Smith made a startling discovery: “I had forgotten to turn the burner on.” Smith proceeded to set the burner on high and resumed his observation, but after answering a phone call in an adjacent room, Smith returned to find that the water had begun boiling during his absence.

America lacks national dance craze

Friday, February 11th, 2005 - 5:50 pm PST

After months growing concern, President Bush made public today his pledged to “get America funky again” by taking steps to combat this country’s lack of a national dance craze. “While previous generations have been comforted by the Charleston, the Twist, the Shuffle, the Robot, the Electric Slide, and the Lambada,” said Bush, “America has gone without since the loss of the Macarena in 1999. The time to act on this is now. I have sent members of the CIA to countries in South America, Africa, the Middle East, to infiltrate local dance cultures and report back directly to me.” Until a new dance craze is discovered and popularized, Bush has proposed mandatory use of the Hokey-Pokey at all dance clubs and weddings for the time being.

Smith diagnosed with pugilism

Sunday, February 6th, 2005 - 11:27 am PST

At a press conference from his hospital bed this morning, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith announced that he has been diagnosed him with pugilism. “I can fight this,” said Smith.

Decade remains inexplicably unnamed

Tuesday, January 25th, 2005 - 4:12 am PST

Halfway into the first ten years of the new millennium, experts remain baffled by the current decade’s lack of a nickname. “We knew there would be a transition period where competing nicknames like the Zeroes, the Naughts, or the Aughts, or would battle it out before one firmly took hold, but no one expected that period to last half a decade or more,” said chronologist Martin DeWitt. “Moreover, pop culture for each new decade defines itself first and foremost by making fun of the decade that came immediately before it–hence sitcom characters saying things such as, ‘C’mon, man, this is the 80s.’ But with a lack of a collective name for the current decade, we find a much more fluid spilling over of late 1990s culture into this decade, prompting some to label 2000-2005 as “the latter 90s”.

New book for 2005: The Ten Commandments

Wednesday, January 12th, 2005 - 1:37 pm PST

Happy New Year! And with the arrival of a new year comes the arrival of a brand new book The Brick Testament: The Ten Commandments. Retelling the epic saga of Moses and the Israelites from their desperate slavery in Egypt to the climactic encounter with God on Mount Sinai and all the miracles and plagues in between, The Ten Commandments takes its place as the true sequel to Smith’s hit book Stories from the Book of Genesis. Featuring more than 200 photos and 176 pages, this book is a must have for any fans of The Brick Testament, LEGO bricks, or divine retribution.

Vendetta DVD giveaway update

Monday, January 3rd, 2005 - 10:15 pm PST

Due to the sudden enormous demand for the free DVD copy of Vendetta: A Christmas Story (starring our own Rev. Brendan Powell Smith), we’ve had to slightly alter the terms of the giveaway to makes things a little more manageable (please keep in mind that this is just one guy burning, packaging, and mailing these things out at his own expense!). From now on, to get a free DVD of Vendetta, you must send in self-addressed envelope big enough for a DVD with sufficient postage (three 37 cents stamps will cover the $1.10 post). Please visit the Vendetta website front page for full details. While we highly recommend the DVD for maximum viewing pleasure, the Quicktime website versions are also always available and free to all. Enjoy!!