US to bring democracy to Saudi Arabia

Monday, May 9th, 2005 - 12:57 am PDT

The United States announced plans today to invade Saudi Arabia. “Freedom is on the march,” said president Bush, “and the people of Saudi Arabia will welcome us as liberators when we remove from power the evil dictators King Fahd and Crown Prince Abdullah, who, I might add, have one of the worst human rights violation records on the books.” In drumming up public support for the upcoming war, Bush has gone so far as to link Saudi Arabia with the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States, pointing out that fifteen of the nineteen hijackers were from Saudi Arabia, and suggesting that Saudi Arabia may have possibly played some role in funding terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden.

Smith auditions for City Morgue

Monday, May 2nd, 2005 - 5:42 am PDT

Rev. Smith is looking to expand his acting career, auditioning for a role in the cast of CBS’s City Morgue, which is currently under development. According to promotional material, the show “aims to capture the tense drama and action of working at a morgue in one of America’s largest cities”. Smith is up for the role of Derrick Johnson, a morgue assistant with a wry sense of humor and a mysterious past. Smith says that in trying out for the part, he will draw on his previous acting experiences in Vendetta: A Christmas Story, his brief role in the Sci-Fi channel’s Mansquito, as well as the real life experience of having had a summer job working the so-called “graveyard shift” as a morgue assistant in his hometown of Norwood, MA.

Thumbs-Up, America!™ says Wendy’s

Monday, April 25th, 2005 - 8:56 pm PDT

The Wendy’s corporation has defied conventional wisdom this week with the launch of their Thumbs-Up, America!™ advertising campaign. Banners at the chain’s 6,600 restaurants nationwide invite customers to Try Our Delicious New FingerSandwiches™ or grab a bowl of their All-Thumbs™ Chili. It hasn’t taken long for competing fast-food chains to notice all the free media attention that Wendy’s restaurants have been receiving over the past month. Yesterday the McDonald’s corporation issued a press release stating that a customer in one of their Detroit area restaurants had found an entire human head in his order of fries.

Smith’s Ten Commandments in the press

Thursday, April 21st, 2005 - 2:22 pm PDT

“Thanks to Brendan Powell Smith, you’ll never look at the parting of the Red Sea the same way again” writes Patti Martin in today’s issue of New Jersey’s Asbury Park Press which features an article about Smith’s latest book The Brick Testament: The Ten Commandments. Elsewhere in the press, the Garnett News Service’s interview with Rev. Smith that originally ran in the Des Moines Register has now also been picked up by other Garnett newspapers across the country including The Coloradoan and Florida Today

New pope to sell Vatican treasures, give to poor

Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 - 5:42 am PDT

On his first day as head of the Catholic church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the world by announcing his intention to actually follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. “There is nothing more clear in the Bible than this,” the newly-elected pontiff said, “‘Sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor.’” Experts estimate that the pope’s possessions, which now include the Vatican’s vast wealth in the form of securities, gold reserves, real estate, and artistic treasures is likely to bring the world’s poor a financial windfall in the neighborhood of ten to fifteen billion dollars. “That’s money we could use,” said the world’s poor.

The Brick Testament presents: Gideon!

Sunday, April 17th, 2005 - 10:13 pm PDT

The Brick Testament website barrels on with its illustration of the Book of Judges this week with the addition of seven new stories relating the tale of Israel’s fifth judge Gideon. If you’re a fan of divinely orchestrated massacres, brutal vengeance, and/or unexpected decapitations, then these are some Bible stories you are certain to find inspirational. Also new on the Brick Testament site: in celebration of the release of The Ten Commandments in book form, a new custom set of Moses and the Ten Commandments is now available on the Brick Testament merchandise page.

Date with Rev. Smith awkward at best

Monday, April 11th, 2005 - 9:55 am PDT

The Win a Date with Rev. Smith contest concluded Saturday night with Smith accompanying Terry Hainsworth of Fremont, CA, on a night on the town including a visit to the local public library, a game of table tennis at the YMCA, and dinner at Arby’s. Asked how the date went, randomly-selected winner Hainsworth said that Smith seemed “uncomfortable and a bit standoffish” most of the night, and that their conversations were “stilted at best”. “I guess I just never expected that any, you know, dudes would enter the contest, much less win,” admitted Smith. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that. God, I hope I didn’t seem uncomfortable and standoffish the whole time.” Added Smith: “You don’t think he expect me to put out, do you?”

Judge Deborah now presiding

Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 - 7:02 pm PDT

There are not a whole lot of strong female characters presented in the Bible, but today’s addition to The Brick Testament features two such women in the story of Israel’s first and only female judge, Deborah. Come and watch as God once again sends his chosen people into twenty years of cruel oppression only to rescue them by massacring the people he had oppress them for twenty years. And if the endless reptition of these story cycles from Judges is giving you a splitting headache, you will certainly empathize with poor, poor Sisera.

Win a date with Rev. Smith update

Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 - 3:21 pm PDT

Only two days remain to enter your submission for the Win a Date with Rev. Smith contest (see previous post for details). Due to the high volume of entries, we request that you limit all photo attachments to 500kb or less. All submissions whose essays run more than 100 words will be automatically disqualified. Also please remember that you must be 18 years or age or older to enter this contest or have a signed permission slip from your parent and/or legal guardian, signed in triplicate by an authorized notary public or religious authority figure. Best of luck. Contest results will be announced soon.

Prayers convince God to save Pope’s life

Friday, April 1st, 2005 - 12:26 pm PST

As the ailing pontiff’s condition worsened over the past 48 hours, one billion Catholics from across the globe came together to pray for the Pope’s health. Their efforts met with success today when God stepped in to human events to restore the Pope to full health. “This miracle is a testament to the power of prayer, and God’s merciful ever-loving kindness,” said Cardinal Godfried Danneels of Belgium. “Now I feel wonderful!” exclaimed a rejuvenated John Paul II before launching into a spirited cartwheel and double somersault. While on Earth, God also made a brief apology for the recent earthquakes and tsunami in Southeast Asia that have killed more than 250,000 people.

Ten Commandments book in Stuff magazine

Thursday, March 24th, 2005 - 7:34 pm PST

Rev. Smith’s latest book, The Brick Testament: The Ten Commandments is featured in the latest issue of Stuff magazine in their Hit List section, under the heading “Best Combination of Toys and God’s Wrath”. In other press news, an interview with Smith has been published in The Des Moines Register this week in which the right reverend discusses his fascination with Bible stories and weighs in on whether or not he considers himself “blasphemous”. Finally, the Ten Commandments was briefly written up in a recent Seattle Times article on new book releases.

Win a date with Rev. Smith

Monday, March 21st, 2005 - 10:14 am PST

To help promote sales of his latest book, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith is sponsoring a contest whose winner will receive an all-expenses-paid night on the town with Rev. Smith himself. To enter, simply purchase a copy of The Brick Testament: The Ten Commandments, and submit a photo of yourself and the book to along with an essay of 100 words or less about why you should be chosen. All entries must be received by April 5, 2005. No purchase necessary (you can borrow a friend’s copy of the book for the photo if need be). Chances of winning are 6,508,050,928:1. Void where prohibited. One entry per household. Actual cash value of date: $17.42.