Book of Judges goes out with a bang

Tuesday, October 11th, 2005 - 10:57 am PDT

With the five new stories added to the website today, The Brick Testament is pleased to announce the completed its illustration of the Book of Judges. And what a way to go out! If there has ever been a question about whether or not the Bible is an worthy moral guide for our actions, I think this set of stories settles the question once and for all. If you’ve got any friends or loved ones who are on the fence about the Bible or religion in general, or just in need of some strong spiritual guidance in these trying times, pull up a few chairs around the warm glow of the computer screen and dig right in.

Dentist finds worrisome new cavity

Wednesday, October 5th, 2005 - 6:25 pm PDT

During a routine dental exam this week, Rev. Smith’s dentist discovered a relatively large new cavity and recommended Smith make another appointment to have it filled as soon as possible. “I’ve been taking excellent care of my teeth,” said Smith, reacting to the news with surprise, “brushing and flossing twice a day and between meals.” But his dentist explained that this type of cavity that cannot be prevented merely through proper oral hygeine. “Rev. Smith,” she said, “I regret to inform you that you have an anal cavity.” Smith is reportedly seeking a new dentist.

Rolling Stone puts Brick Testament on Hot List

Tuesday, September 27th, 2005 - 1:49 pm PDT

The current issue of Rolling Stone magazine (6 October 2005 with Evangeline Lilly on the cover) has a piece on The Brick Testament as part of their cover story, the “Hot List 2005”. Under the category “Hot Blasphemy” the short article (found on page 98) features an illustration of Jesus on the cross (from The Law section of the website), provides a quote from creator Brendan Powell Smith, and lovingly describes the project as “filthier than Hustler”, “more violent then The Sopranos”, and “the greatest story ever told.”

New FOX shows: American Guy and Family Dad

Sunday, September 25th, 2005 - 9:42 pm PDT

With the success of both Family Guy and American Dad, FOX Television has hired Seth McFarlane to develop two additional animated series for their network: American Guy and Family Dad. Each new show will feature an overweight, annoying father and his dedicated, attractive wife, plus two nondescript kids. American Guy will also have a pet cat who lusts after the wife, while Family Dad’s cast will be rounded out by a pet gerbil who lusts after the wife. If the two new shows fare well, FOX is said to be considering two additional series that McFarlane has pitched: American Family and Dad Guy.

The Brick Testament: Samson and Delilah

Saturday, September 24th, 2005 - 5:10 pm PDT

The Brick Testament website has been updated today with an illustrated version the Bible’s most famous love story, that of Samson and Delilah. Also presented are the story of Samson’s visit to a Philistine prostitute, and that of his ultimate demise as a proto-suicide bomber in a place that would later become known to the world as the Gaza Strip. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the above-mentioned prostitute also worked part-time as a dancer at a place called The Gaza Strip. I think I read that in the Talmud or something.

Smith declares moral bankruptcy

Monday, September 19th, 2005 - 7:53 pm PDT

Rev. Smith filed for moral bankruptcy this week, seeking a way out from his mountain of unfulfilled moral obligations and unatoned-for sin. “My advisors were urging me to spiritually invest in Jesus Christ as a sensible way of having my sins forgiven and getting a fresh new start,” said Smith, “but a cold, hard look at the facts reveals that it would have taken upwards of 172 crucified messiahs to cancel out just my religious offenses, not to mention my various other moral failings.” Smith says hopes to be back on the road to moral solvency by sometime in late 2017.

The Brick Testament: Samson — the early years

Thursday, September 15th, 2005 - 2:50 am PDT

The Brick Testament is back (from a brief hiatus) with a new look and smell, and to celebrate, five new stories have been added to the Book of Judges, chronicling the early years of the Israelites’ eleventh and most famous judge, the mighty, murderous, and none-too- bright Samson. See as he squares off against a raging lion, poses an inept riddle to the Philistines, and then slaughters lots and lots of people. And manages to squeeze in a failed marriage while he’s at it. For completeness’ sake, there’s also the story of Israel’s eighth, ninth, and tenth judges. Enjoy.

Volunteer Arby’s opens

Saturday, September 10th, 2005 - 11:42 am PDT

The nation’s first all-volunteer Arby’s opened today in Mountain View, CA. Mayor Matt Pear was there for the ribbon cutting ceremony, and stayed to enjoy a Big Montana slathered in Horsey Sauce. “It warms the heart to see these men and women so giving of their time,” said Pear, “bringing nourishment and satisfying the appetites of the community.” Rev. Smith was on hand for the event as well, shaking hands and enjoying some Jalapeno Bites with Bronco Berry sauce. Smith will return to the Arby’s later this week as a volunteer on the graveyard shift.

Bush declares “War on God”

Sunday, September 4th, 2005 - 9:15 pm PDT

Reacting to the devastation and loss of lives in New Orleans by hurricane and flood, President Bush today defiantly announced, “This act of God will not stand”. “Make no mistake,” said a resolute Bush, “the perpetrator of this cowardly attack on America will be brought to justice.” The president called for all civilized nations of the world to join the US in declaring a “War on God”. Though the supreme being’s current whereabouts are unknown, Bush vowed that the US military will “smoke Him out.”

The Brick Testament: big in Japan?

Monday, August 22nd, 2005 - 1:25 am PDT

The Bible has been translated into more languages than any other book, but Rev. Smith’s beloved illustrated version of the Bible moves one step closer to that record with the release of the Japanese translation of The Brick Testament: Stories from the Book of Genesis, which has previously seen publication in English (2003) and German (2004). Japanese publisher Futami has redesigned the cover (notably putting Shem on the cover while relegating God to the dust jacket fold-over), but the content remains the same: ten classic stories from Genesis rendered in everyone’s favorite brand of plastic building blocks.

Christian serial killer given ten life sentences

Thursday, August 18th, 2005 - 7:53 pm PDT

Dennis Rader, the church congregation president who tortured and murdered ten people in and around Wichita, KS, was sentenced today to ten consecutive life sentences. Media attention given to the trial has prompted many to speculate whether there is a connection between Rader’s crimes and his religion which holds the torture and murder of a first century Jewish man as its defining moment, and whose adherents are known to surround themselves with graphic depictions of that gruesome act in their houses, their places of worship, and even around their necks.

Diddy switches name to “Poofy”

Wednesday, August 17th, 2005 - 12:31 pm PDT

Just one day after announcing his decision to drop the “P.” from his name and be known simply as “Diddy”, the rapper-producer- clothing designer said he would now like to be known instead as as “Poofy”. The second name change in as many days has confused many, but the entertainer defended his actions, saying, “‘Diddy’ was a name that served me well, but it doesn’t capture who I am today.” Poofy, who has previously gone by stage names “Puffy”, “Puff Daddy”, and “P. Diddy” is putting the finishing touches on his next album titled Sean Combs Is My Name.