The Brick Testament invades Denmark

Sunday, March 11th, 2007 - 6:21 pm PDT

Not just one, but two books from the Brick Testament series have just been released in Denmark in a Danish translation created by publisher Forlaget Vandkunsten. The country that is home to the LEGO company itself will now have its very own version of The Brick Testament: The Ten Commandments (known in Danish as De Ti Bud) and The Brick Testament: The Story of Christmas (or Juleevangeliet). This marks the fifth language in which Brick Testament books have now been made available. A closer look at the Brick Testament books from around the world can be found here.

Special needs student seen as ‘retarded Einstein’

Monday, March 5th, 2007 - 2:54 pm PST

14-year old special needs student Frankie Morrison of Spokane, WA, is being hailed by some as a “retarded Einstein”. Recent tests have put Morrison’s IQ at 101, some 30-50 points higher than most learning disabled students his age, and in fact slightly higher than the average American adult’s score. Though some have suggested Morrison’s test scores demonstrate that he is not mentally challenged at all and should be placed in regular classes, Morrison’s special needs teacher Elaine Wilkins vehemently disagrees. “No,” she says,”Frankie is special. He’s a retarded Einstein.”

Smith shot down in hail of bullets

Monday, February 26th, 2007 - 11:38 pm PST

In what is being viewed as a tragedy of minuscule proportions tonight, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith has been shot down in a hail of bullets. The incident occurred earlier this evening at approximately 7:32 PM (PST) when a deranged fan of The Brick Testament fired a fully loaded N-Strike Firefly REV-8 at Smith from close range, hitting him multiple times in the upper torso and neck. A photo (inset) snapped by longtime girlfriend Lila Tene just milliseconds before the impact captures a look of resigned acceptance on Smith’s face.

Barfield Loses His Lunch

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007 - 3:33 pm PST

America’s favorite vomitous cat is back up to his old tricks in Barfield Loses His Lunch. Acclaimed cartoonist Dim Javis has enthralled us for decades now with the lighthearted hijinks of that lovable, churlish feline prone to extreme gastrointestinal distress. This new collection, featuring over sixty full-color daily comics, is certain to leave you doubled-over on the floor with its gut-busting, bellyaching, belch-inducing brand of barf-out-loud humor.

Brick Testament on TV, radio, and print

Sunday, February 11th, 2007 - 7:07 am PST

Over the past several months images from The Brick Testament have been featured on television on CBS news Sunday Morning and The History Channel International’s The Naked Archaeologist. Rev. Smith has been a radio guest on Winnipeg, Canada’s CJOB program GodTalk and Radio Adelaide’s Breakfast with Peter Godfrey. Articles on The Brick Testament have appeared in print in the Mexican and the Bulgarian editions of Maxim magazine, the French language edition of The Jerusalem Post, Polish internet newspaper Wiadomosci24, and Brick Testament images graced the cover of Taiwanese design magazine Ppaper, as well as German magazine Der Kranke Bote.

Parenthood banned

Thursday, February 8th, 2007 - 11:55 pm PST

Acting at the behest of children’s advocate lobbying groups, Congress voted today to ban the institution of parenthood after recent studies revealed that 78.5% of all child abuse and sexual abuse is perpetrated by a parent of the victim. “For years now we have misguidedly sought to protect children from strangers lurking on the internet or wandering their neighborhoods,” said Rep. F. James Sensenbrenner (R-Wisconsin), “but now that the facts are in, we must act clearly and decisively to protect children from the true perpetrators of these heinous crimes.” Any adults caught parenting children in the US are now subject to a $100,000 fine and up to eighteen years in prison.

Alberto Gonzales imprisoned without charges

Monday, January 29th, 2007 - 11:09 am PST

US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has been imprisoned with no charges brought against him and is being indefinitely detained at an undisclosed location in Eastern Europe. A panicked Gonzales was forcibly removed from his home Sunday night by government agents after a week of warrantless phone surveillance provided evidence against him that cannot be shown in court. White House press secretary Tony Snow would not comment on the reasons for Gonzales’s imprisonment, but guaranteed that his treatment would fall within the guidelines of the Geneva Conventions as interpreted by President Bush.

Smith becomes crumbsweep

Monday, January 22nd, 2007 - 10:05 pm PST

To help support his increasingly expensive addiction to LEGO, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith is starting a part time job today as a crumbsweep at a local fancy restaurant. “I’m the guy that comes around after you’ve eaten the entrées, but before you get the dessert menu,” explained Smith. “I have a long flat metal utensil that I use to sweep all the crumbs off the table.” Smith will be earning $2.95 per hour plus tips at his new job. Added Smith: “nobody tips the crumbsweep.”

Bush to throw 21,000 more logs onto fire

Sunday, January 14th, 2007 - 4:33 am PST

Telling his wife Laura that he “still feels sort of cold”, US President George W. Bush made plans today for another 21,000 logs to be thrown onto the fire burning at the White House since Spring of 2003. Though many have expressed worry that the blaze has long been burning out of control and causing irreparable damage to the entire surrounding area, Bush characterized himself as an optimist for believing that this surge of fresh combustible material will finally bring the situation under control.

Dems urge republicans to come out of closet

Friday, January 5th, 2007 - 11:44 am PST

Taking control of Congress this week, Democrats struck a chord of openness and bipartisan friendship by inviting republicans to come out of the closet. “It’s OK,” urged new House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in a soothing tone, “We’re not in middle school anymore. You don’t have to pretend to be anti-gay to be accepted by your peers.” One freshman republican congressman appeared happy to take opportunity to out himself, but was reportedly later castigated by his fellow party members and had his lunch money stolen. Republican leadership has also announced plans to draft a constitutional amendment banning homosexuality.

Just in time for 2007, it’s the definitive list of…

Sunday, December 31st, 2006 - 12:30 pm PST

Like many others who enjoy music and ranking things, Rev. Smith has made a regular tradition of compiling a year-end list of his favorite albums from that year. In the course of creating his 2006 list, while viewing all the album releases listed for the past 12 months on website, Smith marveled at the number of Metal albums released this past year. Though Metal is a genre he was only vaguely aware still existed, the startling discovery quickly prompted Rev. Smith to compile a definitive list of The Best Metal Album Titles of 2006.

God and sinners reconciled

Monday, December 25th, 2006 - 8:41 pm PST

After thousands of years of contention between the two seemingly implacable groups, God and sinners today reconciled. It had once been hoped that the death of God’s son at the hands of sinners 2,000 years ago would bring about such reconciliation, but the act seemed to have little actual effect on God’s acceptance of sinners or sinners acceptance of God. Experts suggest it was only when each party was willing to see a little bit of themselves in the other that congenial relations could be reached. In a show of solidarity today, God announced “I am a sinner,” and many sinners were spotted wearing buttons with slogans such as “Kiss me, I’m God.”