Congress votes on amendment against banal sex

Friday, June 8th, 2007 - 1:55 am PDT

Despite strong opposition from conservatives, the Democrat- controlled Congress this week moved ahead with plans to vote on a proposed constitutional amendment outlawing banal sex. “This moral evil has spread unchecked for too long in America,” said Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL). “It is not what our forefathers envisioned for their country, and it is not what our brave soldiers have spilled their blood to protect.” Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) also spoke at length against the dangers married couples having a dry, unimaginative sex life and added, “this much-needed amendment would act swiftly to put the ’sensual’ back in consensual.”

The Brick Testament - The final Acts

Sunday, June 3rd, 2007 - 8:08 am PDT

The Brick Testament website has been updated today with five new stories, bringing the renovated illustration of The Acts of the Apostles to a spirited close. Join the Apostle Paul as he travels from Greece to Turkey being revolted by Greek culture, shaving his head, sending men into a frenzy, and finally boring a young man to death before bringing him back to life! All this and the first recorded Christian book burning to boot! So strap yourself in and prepare for the final installment of Acts!

Smith snoozes, loses

Friday, May 25th, 2007 - 4:10 am PDT

For the umpteenth time in as many weeks, a momentary hesitation on the part of Rev. Smith caused him to miss out on an opportunity that was instead snatched away by someone more alert, on the ball, and all-too-ready to point out to Smith the connection between his failure to act quickly and his subsequent loss of fortune. This morning at 11:16am, while Smith was hemming and hawing over which of the two remaining donuts in the break room he would eat, overweight coworker Morton Dewey casually walked in, took both donuts, and walked out, commenting to Smith in passing, “You snooze, you lose.”

Pope and Brick Testament: on the same page

Saturday, May 19th, 2007 - 11:45 am PDT

Eleven illustrations from the Brick Testament’s The Life of Jesus are featured on pages 112-118 of the April 2007 issue of the Russian edition of Esquire magazine (with Iggy Pop on the cover). The images are used to illustrate an interview with Pope Benedict XVI. Being the benevolent man that he is, it is expected that the pope will return the favor by creating a series of eleven illustrations to accompany an upcoming multiple-page interview with The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith for a major international men’s magazine.

Smith visits 30 churches in 21 days

Sunday, May 13th, 2007 - 3:07 pm PDT

From 22 April to 12 May, Rev. Smith paid visits to thirty churches across Europe. In Prague: St. Vitus, St. George, Strahov Monastery, St. James, Týn Church, St. Nicholas Church, St. Nicholas Basilica. In Vienna: Votivkirche, Karlskirche, St. Stephen, Peterskirche, Minoritenkirche. In Venice: St. Mark Basilica, San Giorgio Maggiore. In Florence: Santa Maria del Fiore, San Giovanni, Santa Croce, San Miniato, San Lorenzo, Santa Maria Novella. In Rome: San Pietro in Vincoli, Santa Maria ad Martyres, Santa Maria sopra Minerva. In Zurich: Grossmunster. In Paris: Notre Dame, Saint Chapelle, Sacré Cœur, Saint Sulpice, and Saint-Germain-des-Prés.

Photos from gallery show in Bratislava

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007 - 1:51 am PDT

The website for the SPACE gallery in Bratislava, Slovakia now has some photos available for viewing from the opening of the LEGO exhibition (19 May to 10 June, 2007) with Rev. Smith in attendance and several works from The Brick Testament on display. The event drew many curious onlookers from the Slovakian art world and general public, with many at least stopping to view the 50-foot banner across the exterior of the gallery displaying all 17 illustrations from the Acts of the Apostle’s story Accept Communism or Die.

Smith finds himself in Europe

Thursday, April 19th, 2007 - 8:25 pm PDT

With a big backpack slung over his shoulders and a five-country Eurail pass in hand, Smith left the routine of life in the United States this week, to find himself in Europe. Though many expected that this process might take weeks of traveling, soul-searching, interaction with locals, and unexpected life-altering experiences, Smith indicates that the mission was an immediate and entirely effortless success. With his first step off the plane at Schipol airport in Amsterdam, “I found myself,” says Smith with a serene look of newfound self-knowledge, “in Europe.”

Smith heads to Slovakia for gallery show

Saturday, April 14th, 2007 - 3:12 am PDT

Artwork from The Brick Testament will be featured in a new exhibition on the use of LEGO in contemporary art held at the SPACE gallery in Bratislava, Slovakia from 18 April to 10 June. The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith will be there in person for the opening event at 6pm on 18 April. The gallery is located Lazaretská 9 and is open from Wed to Sat, 1pm to 6pm. Said Smith about the upcoming event, “It is about time that some artwork based on the Bible was shown in an art gallery in Europe.”

Theologians: God a total pervert

Sunday, April 8th, 2007 - 8:10 pm PDT

Christian theologians were troubled this week when their intense ruminations on God’s attributes lead them the inescapable conclusion that God compulsively watches people have sex. “And it’s not just married couples having missionary sex,” explained Bishop Malcolm Kellar, “but even the most kinky and depraved stuff you can imagine. He watches it all, every single day.” Other theologians were quick to point out that God has long taken a firm stand against such perversions as sex between men or sex with animals. “But that sure doesn’t keep him from watching,” added Kellar.

Tony Danza rises from the grave

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007 - 2:23 pm PDT

Just after the stroke of midnight last night, the zombified corpse of veteran television and b-movie actor Tony Danza pushed its icy-cold hand up from the grave. Fortunately Rev. Smith was on the scene and had come fully prepared. “The ancients predicted this day would come,” said Smith to no one in particular as he mercilessly pounded the undead man’s hand with a pewter mallet. “Tony was my friend in life, but his time is long past. Back! Back into the earth!” shouted Smith. As the full moon became shrouded in clouds, the undead man’s hand finally retreated back beneath the dirt. “I will see you again,” said Smith, “in 2011.”

The Brick Testament reActs

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 - 7:08 pm PDT

Taking a brief detour from the continuing story of King Saul and David, The Brick Testament is completely revamping its presentation of the New Testament’s Acts of the Apostles. Fourteen newly illustrated stories have been added to the website. So come on over and discover Judas the betrayer’s other fate, learn about the early apostles’ hardline communism, witness an angel bust some guys out of prison twice, meet a magician called Son of Jesus, and stick around for a couple of stonings and multiple beheadings. It’s all in the good book.

Scientists: AIDS caused by demon-possession

Friday, March 16th, 2007 - 10:42 am PDT

Hope was raised this week that the world’s 38.6 million AIDS sufferers might be cured now that scientists have found that the disease, long thought to be a medical condition, is actually caused by demon possession. Researchers made the breakthrough after a close examination of scripture revealed that Jesus himself had shown that many seemingly severe medical conditions were actually caused by demons and were instantly cured upon exorcism. Scientists are now studying the techniques used by Jesus and his early followers, hoping to harness the same power to cure the sick. In the meantime they are urging all AIDS patients to get baptized, proclaim Jesus Christ as their personal savior, and avoid food sacrificed to idols.