Smith diagnosed with pedophobia

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007 - 5:30 pm PDT

After years of displaying telltale symptoms such as not finding infants even remotely cute, extreme displeasure at being around crying and screaming babies, viewing toddlers as far more annoying than endearing, and an utter lack of interest in children, The Rev. Smith was finally diagnosed by a team of doctors and psychologists this week as a pedophobe. This separates Smith from the vast majority of human adults who display an irrational love of and interest in children, a dominant group doctors refer to as pedophiles.

Congress protests reduction in powers with a non-binding resolution

Thursday, September 13th, 2007 - 1:21 am PDT

An ever-weakening and increasingly irrelevant US Congress this week passed a non-binding resolution that, while having no legal effect, voices a feeble protest to their own complicity in yielding all but the most ceremonial powers of the legislative branch over to the executive branch of the US government. Tomorrow the senate is scheduled to vote on President Bush’s proposal that all of Congress’s future legislation be legally non-binding. The measure has the support of key Democrats and is expected to pass.

Mystery of disappearing frogs and bees solved

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 - 3:34 pm PDT

Over the past several years, scientists have struggled to explain the dramatic and alarming declines witnessed among both frog and bee populations. Various proposed theories point to global warming, environmental toxins, or fungal pathogens as the root cause, but it now appears that there is a simpler albeit far more alarming solution to the mystery. The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith today confirmed that for the past ten years he has been stockpiling both frogs and bees for use in a future God-directed plague against mankind. “You might notice a dip in lice populations as well,” noted Smith.

The Brick Testament - David Makes New Friends

Friday, August 31st, 2007 - 5:25 pm PDT

The Brick Testament website has been updated today with six new illustrated stories from the continuing saga of David vs Saul. Follow along as David flees from King Saul, turns to the Philistines, feigns insanity, goes to live like Osama bin Laden in a network of rocky caves with a band of violent and disgruntled men, attacks the Philistines, gets very thirsty, and finally has an unexpected face-to-face encounter with Saul. Or perhaps more accurately, an unexpected face-to-ass encounter.

Poll: 76% of GOP senators still deny being gay

Tuesday, August 28th, 2007 - 3:50 am PDT

Despite mounting evidence to the contrary and an ever-growing percentage of the population that is no longer fooled, a new poll taken this week found that 76% of Republican senators and 64% of Republicans in the House of Representatives still publicly deny being gay. “Homosexuality is a grave sin,” offered senator and presidential candidate Sam Brownback of Kansas, “and it must be resisted at all times, at all costs.” The senator was later spotted ducking into Dupont Circle area bar Titan’s Ramrod.

God has cure for AIDS

Monday, August 13th, 2007 - 5:40 am PDT

While mortal scientists have struggled in vain for over two decades to devise a cure for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, this week Almighty God revealed that He has, and has had all along, a cure for AIDS that could instantly relieve the suffering of some 38.6 million people worldwide. He further revealed that He will not share or give knowledge of that cure to humans, and that we will just have to take His word for it that it is all for the best that AIDS victims continue to suffer slow, agonizing deaths, their families and loved ones are torn apart with grief, and that scientists continue to pour their time and energy into a fruitless quest.

Smith appears in 412th porn movie

Sunday, August 5th, 2007 - 7:09 pm PDT

This Tuesday’s direct-to-DVD release of The Porn Ultimatum will mark the 412th time that The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith has appeared in an XXX-rated movie. “I never thought I’d be the type of person to appear in one nudie film let alone 400,” said Smith. “But then my next door neighbor started shooting pornos in his backyard. Now whenever I go out to bring in the mail or take out the trash, bang! I’m in the background of another porno.” Some of Smith’s recent titles include Skullfuxxx 7: The Reamening, An Inconvenient Cooz, and Hairy Palmer and the Order of the Penis.

The Brick Testament book released in Swedish

Tuesday, July 17th, 2007 - 7:26 am PDT

God dag! Swedes of the world rejoice, for publisher Marcus Forlag has just published De Tio Budorden, a Swedish translation of The Brick Testament: The Ten Commandments! This marks the seventh foreign language book release for the Brick Testament series, and brings the number of languages in which Brick Testament books have been published up to five. For more details and sample pages of all the foreign language Brick Testament releases, see the Book Translations page at

God considering another mass killing

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007 - 5:40 am PDT

Two and a half years after striking Southeast Asia with a massive tsunami that killed more than 200,000 men, women, and children, God is reportedly dissatisfied with the lasting effects the disaster and is weighing his options. “I really thought the tsunami would change things. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. But now everything is pretty much back to the way it was,” said God, “except for those 200,000 people who are dead. They’re still dead.” God has kept a low profile since late 2004, only sending out the occasional hurricane, cholera epidemic, or helping sports teams to victory, but now says He is seriously considering “something big”.

The Brick Testament - David vs Saul

Monday, July 2nd, 2007 - 10:19 pm PDT

The Brick Testament website has been updated this week with six new illustrated stories that kick off a new section of the site called David vs Saul. These new stories pick up right where the King Saul stories ended (quick refresher: young David has just decapitated Goliath, and King Saul’s son Jonathan has developed strong feelings for David and given him his clothes). Now join us as Saul’s jealous rage turns deadly and Jonathan and David’s relationship becomes forbidden.

Smith has two months to put affairs in order

Sunday, June 24th, 2007 - 6:32 pm PDT

The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith shocked family, friends, and fans today with an announcement that he has two months to put his affairs in order. “For far, far too long,” stated Smith at an emotional press conference this morning, “my affairs have been left in a state or terrible disorder. I am now giving myself two months to do all that I humanly can to return them to something more closely resembling an orderly state.” To prepare for this monumental task, Smith has purchased several large file cabinets, some accounting software, and a new mop. “I never thought this would happen, not to Brendan,” stated one close friend, “he’s so disorganized.”

Rev. Smith is a Yahoo! “Person of the Web”

Thursday, June 14th, 2007 - 2:42 pm PDT

Just a month after it first went online, The Brick Testament was chosen as a Yahoo! Site of the Week back in November 2001. Five and a half years and hundreds of illustrated Bible stories later, Yahoo! follows up with an interview with The Brick Testament’s creator, selecting The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith for this week’s Yahoo! Picks profile, and officially labeling Rev. Smith a “Person of the Web”, further cementing his position as a minor internet celebrity.