US president Barack Obama made a televised broadcast from the White House this evening to announce his plan to travel back in time and kill Adolf Hitler. “At my direction, America’s top scientists constructed a device capable of sending a human backward through time,” said the President. “The technology is experimental. The cost of activating the device, astronomical. Yet the mission to kill Adolf Hitler is so important that it simply cannot wait. We must act now.” The president went on to explain that he volunteered to carry out the mission himself because he could not, in good conscience, ask it of another. The outlined plan calls for Obama to leave 2011 this Thursday, May 12 at noon EST, and “time drop” into Berlin, Germany, in 1939, assassinate Hitler, and launch his body into space, as is customary in Nazi tradition.