With the latest Pew poll showing that 18% of Americans believe that President Obama is a Muslim, researchers say they now have enough data to firmly conclude that one out of every five Americans is a fucking retard. ”Although we’ve suspected as much for years,” said poll analyst Sanford Dwight, “having the numbers to back it up is both illuminating and frankly depressing.” Offering a different take on this finding, researcher Jane McMinnitz writes, “It’s actually pretty amazing how much we’re able to accomplish as a nation when you consider just how awash we are in fucking idiots who will believe pretty much anything and need help tying their own shoes every morning.”
Archive for August, 2010
“Noah’s Ark” is often presented as a children’s story, and it’s easy to see why. It’s got animals, and children love animals. There’s a big boat. Some kids like boats. And it ends with a happy rainbow. Sure, somewhere in the middle there’s the gruesome drowning death of all the mothers, fathers, children, babies and animals of the world at the hand of their own loving Creator, but such unlikely children’s story material is more than justified by the profoundly important moral of the story, which every child needs to learn from an early age: Sometimes the best way to make a vast population of people less violent is to just kill everybody. The Flood and Noah’s Curse have been re-illustrated and unveiled on The Brick Testament website today.
At a press conference this evening, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith acknowledged the striking down of California’s Proposition 8 as an important milestone in extending marriage rights, but took the opportunity to remind fellow Americans there remains a large segment of the population whose members are routinely denied the right to be married in all fifty states. ”I speak, of course,” said Smith, “of the partnerless—those who, by their own choice or by the choices of others, are not part of a committed couple.” Smith went on to argue against the “myth” that allowing single people to marry without a partner would somehow weaken the institution of marriage, and further stated that he “wondered how anyone could deny a young child the opportunity to grow up in a married household simply because his parent is, for whatever reasons, raising that child alone.”
Google announced in a blog post today that it is planning to shut down the Internet by year’s end. Despite the massive buzz surrounding its launch, and its seemingly limitless possibilities to offer people new world of ways to communicate, collaborate, and share experiences, Google stated that over the past five months that it has been out of private beta and open to anyone, the Internet “has not seen the user adoption we would have liked.”