Archive for April, 2010

Stephen Hawking: “Aliens may not be friendly”

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Renowned British astrophysicist Stephen Hawking says he has new concerns over mankind’s attempts to contact alien life forms. “Such ‘visitors’ from other worlds may posses dazzling technologies and medical science far beyond our own. They may act friendly and offer to share their wondrous advances, and even claim to be of peace, always,” said Hawking, “but they may also have a mysterious and sinister hidden agenda, and their virtuous natures may only run skin deep.” Hawking’s position on contacting aliens has changed drastically over the years, from his 1982 push for a billion dollar satellite system so that aliens accidentally stranded on earth could “phone home”, to his suggestion last year that we prepare for alien contact by building thousands of units of affordable housing in and around Johannesburg, South Africa.

Angered Norse gods thwart air travel

Sunday, April 18th, 2010

And it came to pass that the children of men said to one another, “Let us build ourselves aeroplanes to reach the heavens and cross the great waters of the deep.”  And the gods came down to see what the children of men builded.  And Odin said, “Behold!  Let us go down and thwart their efforts, lest the people reach Valhalla in their mechanical valkyries, and nothing they attempt will be impossible to them.”  And Thor mounteth his goat-drawn chariot and rideth to the Mountain Eyjafjallajökull.  And he did there unleasheth his berserker rage, spewing forth a thick black smoke across the face of the earth, confounding the ambitions of man.

Pope’s preacher compares persecution of Catholic Church to pedophilia

Saturday, April 3rd, 2010

At a Good Friday service attended by the Pope yesterday, Rev. Tamaraos Encarnalise quoted from the letter of a young boy friend of  his, saying the recent “disgusting attacks and allegations against the Catholic Church and the Pope” reminded him of “the more shameful aspects of pedophilia.”  Encarnalise went on to point out that the close proximity of Easter and Children’s Day this year prompted him to reflect on the similarities between the plight of the Church hierarchy as it reels from continued press scrutiny into its long history of covering up and enabling the rape of young boys, and the plight of young boys who are repeatedly raped by their priests and then told to keep silent about it.