Madonna and child

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 - 11:17 am PDT

With his recent nights spent losing sleep over his unexpected pregnancy, Rev. Smith has come to realize he’s in trouble, deep. His friends have repeatedly advised him to give it up, saying he’s too young, he ought to live it up. Smith also approached his father, explaining that what he need right now is some good advice, and beseeching him not to preach. Smith says he was still “in an awful mess” until last night while shopping at the local grocery store, he heard a diembodied voice speaking to him set against a moderate tempo 80s dance beat. In a moment of epiphany, Smith made up his mind. “I’m keeping my baby,” said Smith. “I know I’m gonna keep my baby. Mmmm. Ooooooh.”