Archive for October, 2008
If you find the mass murder of innocent civilians spiritually uplifting, you’re sure to love the latest set of seven new illustrated Bible stories over at The Brick Testament. While the southern kingdom of Judah struggles to find just the right mix of death and destruction to appease God into granting them peace, the northern kingdom of Israel suffers great bloodshed mainly due to a system of political succession in which anyone who murders the king in cold blood is immediately granted the kingship. Though for thousands of years this was indeed how many nations appointed their leaders, fortunately here in the United States we learned our lesson and swiftly amended the Constitution after the brief but turbulent Oswald and Ruby administrations of the 1960s.
At some point the McCain campaign realized that to be in power, you don’t need money or poll numbers, you just need to be willing to do what the other guy wouldn’t. One afternoon some McCain campaign operatives break into Barack Obama’s house. Obama comes home to find his wife raped and his children screaming. They tell Obama they want him to drop out of the race. Obama looks over the faces of his family. He then shoots two of the McCain operatives, then shoots his children and his wife as the last McCain guy watches in horror. He tells him he would rather see his family dead than live another day after this. He lets the last McCain operative go, waits until his wife and kids are in the ground, and then he goes after the rest of the McCain campaign. He kills their kids. He kills their wives. He kills their parents and their parents’ friends. He burns down the houses they live in, the stores they work in. He kills people that voted for them. And like that, he’s gone. Underground. Nobody’s ever seen him since. He becomes a myth, a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night. “Rat on your pop and Barack Obama will get you.” But no one ever really believes.