Archive for September, 2008

Smith would solve financial crisis for $350 billion

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008

As President Bush continues to urge Congress to act quickly on a proposed $700 billion taxpayer bail-out for Wall Street to avoid “a long and painful recession,” The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith today announced an intriguing alternate proposal, saying he would be willing to save the US economy for “half that price” while keeping all other terms of Treasury secretary Paulson’s plan the same–particularly the part about decisions on how to spend the money being “non-reviewable by any court of law or any administrative agency.” Smith urged Congress to act extremely impulsively on his proposal “without examining it too closely” and added that any hesitation on their part would make them culpable for the ensuing economic catastrophe that would see “a full breakdown of society and rampant cannibalism.”

Palin to stay in secure location until election over

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

The Republican vice-presidential nominee faced another close-call this morning when at a carefully-orchestrated campaign stop, a reporter managed to manouver within 10 to 15 feet and fire off three questions at Sarah Palin before being wrestled to the ground by McCain staff. McCain denounced the attempt at unfettered press access to Palin as “a cowardly act” perpetrated by “those who would seek to destroy our way of campaigning.” McCain later announced his decision to keep Palin hidden away in a “secure location” until the election is over, after which time, said McCain, “America will get to know all it needs to know about Sarah Palin.”

Images of first Google Android phone leaked

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Excitement is building over the imminent release of the first phone to run on the much anticipated Android platform developed by Google. Few details have been made public about this next-generation smartphone which is being manufactured by Biotech Industries, but judging from leaked images now making their way around the Internet, it would seem model Aj^6 does not follow the lead of Apple’s iPhone by using a touchscreen interface, but instead is worn around the back of the head and plugs directly into the user’s brain.

Overestimating the American people

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

“You can’t just make stuff up. The American people aren’t stupid.” So said Barack Obama recently in reaction to the latest headline-grabbing string of inane distortions and brazen falsehoods from the McCain campaign . But Obama may be naively overestimating the American people. If history and the latest polls are any indication, these sorts of Karl Rovian smears and outright lies work like a charm on American voters. Contrary to Obama’s claim, it seems politicians can just make stuff up, and it may just be the most politically expedient thing for them to do if in fact the American people are as stupid as they let on. On the other hand, Obama may already know all this, but perhaps also knows that the American people enjoy being told that they are not stupid.

McCain: the candidate of change

Saturday, September 6th, 2008

Although “change” has been the mantra of Barack Obama’s campaign from the start, in recent weeks John McCain has managed to eclipse his democratic rival in his full-on embrace of change. Sources close to McCain say he has changed so dramatically in the late stages of this campaign that he is “barely recognizable” from the man he was just 12 months ago. “John McCain spent a lifetime establishing his personal integrity and reputation for straight-talk with the press and the American people,” said a former campaign advisor. “Now he is ignoring the press, delivering only talking points, and tossing away his last shreds of dignity on outrageous lies and distortions.” He added: “If you like change, McCain’s changed pretty much everything about himself except his name.”