It’s 3 AM in the White House and President John McCain picks up the phone. He dials Moscow and tells Vladimir Putin what he really thinks of him. Hours later McCain wakes up and remembers nothing, but it’s too late: the missiles are already on the way. Could it happen? This weekend’s release of John McCain’s medical records show that he is a user of the drug Zombien, infamous for its not-so-uncommon side effect of putting its users into temporary amnesiac sleep-walking states during which they go on eating binges, drive their cars until they crash into stationary objects, or make phone calls they later seriously regret.
Correction #1: The correct name for the drug mentioned in the above article is Ambien and not Zombien as was reported.
Correction #2: American’s first zombie president was, in fact, Martin Van Buren.