Americans carrying around bags of feces

Wednesday, April 30th, 2008 - 1:32 am PDT

In an alarming and disturbing trend, many American suburbanites and city-dwellers have taken to walking around their own neighborhoods carrying bags of feces. Though experts observers have yet to determine the signifigance of or reasoning behind what has now become a daily ritual for millions of Americans, some common threads have been noted among the feces transporters: They are most likely to perform their ritual in the early morning or just after returning from work. They do not exit their homes with the feces, but instead seek out and then place into bags fresh feces found outdoors. Many are so protective of their feces that they keep a dog at their side for protection.