Smith conceives first child

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008 - 10:27 pm PDT

Rev. Smith spent the better part of this past weekend conceiving his first child. He began by jotting down on a whiteboard all the qualities he is looking for in an offspring. He made several charts and graphs detailing the cost analysis and performance attributes of proposed features before commissioning a scale model to be built. After several painstaking revisions, Smith finalized his proposal, rehearsed a keynote speech, and then gave a three hour Power Point presentation in front of his longtime girlfriend who, at its conclusion, immediately dumped his ass cold.