Hillary Clinton turns heel

Friday, April 4th, 2008 - 5:08 pm PDT

After months of barely maintaining her image as a likeable “babyface” presidential candidate, Sen. Hillary Clinton showed her true colors at last night’s presidential debate, delivering a devastating low-blow to her opponent Barack Obama while the moderator was distracted, then launching herself backward off the top of her podium to finish him off with a signature “Clin-ton Bomb”. Clinton then declared herself “the most dominant force in the history of US politics.” Turning her attention to the war in Iraq, Clinton said she can “no longer supports the troops, because they’ve had five years and it’s obvious they just can’t get the job done.” After testily telling the booing audience to “shut up”, Clinton gratuitously insulted the 76ers and the Phillies before dropping a final knee into the midsection of Obama and walking off stage. Before the debate ended, DNC chair Howard Dean announced that Clinton would be forced to partner with arch rival Obama against grizzled veteran John McCain in a two-on-one handicap match at the Democratic National Convention in August.