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September « 2007 « The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith

Archive for September, 2007

The Brick Testament - Saul’s last stand

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

The Brick Testament website has seen two new updates in the past two weeks, adding fourteen new illustrated stories that bring the epic saga of David vs Saul to a terrible and bloody climax and conclusion. With massacres, murders, decapitations, looting, polygamy, kidnappings, mutilations, and even a musical number, there truly is something for everyone in these heartwarming and always-inspiring Bible stories.

Smith diagnosed with pedophobia

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

After years of displaying telltale symptoms such as not finding infants even remotely cute, extreme displeasure at being around crying and screaming babies, viewing toddlers as far more annoying than endearing, and an utter lack of interest in children, The Rev. Smith was finally diagnosed by a team of doctors and psychologists this week as a pedophobe. This separates Smith from the vast majority of human adults who display an irrational love of and interest in children, a dominant group doctors refer to as pedophiles.

Congress protests reduction in powers with a non-binding resolution

Thursday, September 13th, 2007

An ever-weakening and increasingly irrelevant US Congress this week passed a non-binding resolution that, while having no legal effect, voices a feeble protest to their own complicity in yielding all but the most ceremonial powers of the legislative branch over to the executive branch of the US government. Tomorrow the senate is scheduled to vote on President Bush’s proposal that all of Congress’s future legislation be legally non-binding. The measure has the support of key Democrats and is expected to pass.

Mystery of disappearing frogs and bees solved

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

Over the past several years, scientists have struggled to explain the dramatic and alarming declines witnessed among both frog and bee populations. Various proposed theories point to global warming, environmental toxins, or fungal pathogens as the root cause, but it now appears that there is a simpler albeit far more alarming solution to the mystery. The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith today confirmed that for the past ten years he has been stockpiling both frogs and bees for use in a future God-directed plague against mankind. “You might notice a dip in lice populations as well,” noted Smith.