Archive for August, 2007

The Brick Testament - David Makes New Friends

Friday, August 31st, 2007

The Brick Testament website has been updated today with six new illustrated stories from the continuing saga of David vs Saul. Follow along as David flees from King Saul, turns to the Philistines, feigns insanity, goes to live like Osama bin Laden in a network of rocky caves with a band of violent and disgruntled men, attacks the Philistines, gets very thirsty, and finally has an unexpected face-to-face encounter with Saul. Or perhaps more accurately, an unexpected face-to-ass encounter.

Poll: 76% of GOP senators still deny being gay

Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

Despite mounting evidence to the contrary and an ever-growing percentage of the population that is no longer fooled, a new poll taken this week found that 76% of Republican senators and 64% of Republicans in the House of Representatives still publicly deny being gay. “Homosexuality is a grave sin,” offered senator and presidential candidate Sam Brownback of Kansas, “and it must be resisted at all times, at all costs.” The senator was later spotted ducking into Dupont Circle area bar Titan’s Ramrod.

God has cure for AIDS

Monday, August 13th, 2007

While mortal scientists have struggled in vain for over two decades to devise a cure for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, this week Almighty God revealed that He has, and has had all along, a cure for AIDS that could instantly relieve the suffering of some 38.6 million people worldwide. He further revealed that He will not share or give knowledge of that cure to humans, and that we will just have to take His word for it that it is all for the best that AIDS victims continue to suffer slow, agonizing deaths, their families and loved ones are torn apart with grief, and that scientists continue to pour their time and energy into a fruitless quest.

Smith appears in 412th porn movie

Sunday, August 5th, 2007

This Tuesday’s direct-to-DVD release of The Porn Ultimatum will mark the 412th time that The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith has appeared in an XXX-rated movie. “I never thought I’d be the type of person to appear in one nudie film let alone 400,” said Smith. “But then my next door neighbor started shooting pornos in his backyard. Now whenever I go out to bring in the mail or take out the trash, bang! I’m in the background of another porno.” Some of Smith’s recent titles include Skullfuxxx 7: The Reamening, An Inconvenient Cooz, and Hairy Palmer and the Order of the Penis.