Theologians: God a total pervert

Sunday, April 8th, 2007 - 8:10 pm PDT

Christian theologians were troubled this week when their intense ruminations on God’s attributes lead them the inescapable conclusion that God compulsively watches people have sex. “And it’s not just married couples having missionary sex,” explained Bishop Malcolm Kellar, “but even the most kinky and depraved stuff you can imagine. He watches it all, every single day.” Other theologians were quick to point out that God has long taken a firm stand against such perversions as sex between men or sex with animals. “But that sure doesn’t keep him from watching,” added Kellar.