Tony Danza rises from the grave

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007 - 2:23 pm PDT

Just after the stroke of midnight last night, the zombified corpse of veteran television and b-movie actor Tony Danza pushed its icy-cold hand up from the grave. Fortunately Rev. Smith was on the scene and had come fully prepared. “The ancients predicted this day would come,” said Smith to no one in particular as he mercilessly pounded the undead man’s hand with a pewter mallet. “Tony was my friend in life, but his time is long past. Back! Back into the earth!” shouted Smith. As the full moon became shrouded in clouds, the undead man’s hand finally retreated back beneath the dirt. “I will see you again,” said Smith, “in 2011.”