Archive for April, 2007

Smith finds himself in Europe

Thursday, April 19th, 2007

With a big backpack slung over his shoulders and a five-country Eurail pass in hand, Smith left the routine of life in the United States this week, to find himself in Europe. Though many expected that this process might take weeks of traveling, soul-searching, interaction with locals, and unexpected life-altering experiences, Smith indicates that the mission was an immediate and entirely effortless success. With his first step off the plane at Schipol airport in Amsterdam, “I found myself,” says Smith with a serene look of newfound self-knowledge, “in Europe.”

Smith heads to Slovakia for gallery show

Saturday, April 14th, 2007

Artwork from The Brick Testament will be featured in a new exhibition on the use of LEGO in contemporary art held at the SPACE gallery in Bratislava, Slovakia from 18 April to 10 June. The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith will be there in person for the opening event at 6pm on 18 April. The gallery is located Lazaretsk├í 9 and is open from Wed to Sat, 1pm to 6pm. Said Smith about the upcoming event, “It is about time that some artwork based on the Bible was shown in an art gallery in Europe.”

Theologians: God a total pervert

Sunday, April 8th, 2007

Christian theologians were troubled this week when their intense ruminations on God’s attributes lead them the inescapable conclusion that God compulsively watches people have sex. “And it’s not just married couples having missionary sex,” explained Bishop Malcolm Kellar, “but even the most kinky and depraved stuff you can imagine. He watches it all, every single day.” Other theologians were quick to point out that God has long taken a firm stand against such perversions as sex between men or sex with animals. “But that sure doesn’t keep him from watching,” added Kellar.

Tony Danza rises from the grave

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Just after the stroke of midnight last night, the zombified corpse of veteran television and b-movie actor Tony Danza pushed its icy-cold hand up from the grave. Fortunately Rev. Smith was on the scene and had come fully prepared. “The ancients predicted this day would come,” said Smith to no one in particular as he mercilessly pounded the undead man’s hand with a pewter mallet. “Tony was my friend in life, but his time is long past. Back! Back into the earth!” shouted Smith. As the full moon became shrouded in clouds, the undead man’s hand finally retreated back beneath the dirt. “I will see you again,” said Smith, “in 2011.”