Parenthood banned

Thursday, February 8th, 2007 - 11:55 pm PST

Acting at the behest of children’s advocate lobbying groups, Congress voted today to ban the institution of parenthood after recent studies revealed that 78.5% of all child abuse and sexual abuse is perpetrated by a parent of the victim. “For years now we have misguidedly sought to protect children from strangers lurking on the internet or wandering their neighborhoods,” said Rep. F. James Sensenbrenner (R-Wisconsin), “but now that the facts are in, we must act clearly and decisively to protect children from the true perpetrators of these heinous crimes.” Any adults caught parenting children in the US are now subject to a $100,000 fine and up to eighteen years in prison.