Archive for December, 2006

Just in time for 2007, it’s the definitive list of…

Sunday, December 31st, 2006

Like many others who enjoy music and ranking things, Rev. Smith has made a regular tradition of compiling a year-end list of his favorite albums from that year. In the course of creating his 2006 list, while viewing all the album releases listed for the past 12 months on website, Smith marveled at the number of Metal albums released this past year. Though Metal is a genre he was only vaguely aware still existed, the startling discovery quickly prompted Rev. Smith to compile a definitive list of The Best Metal Album Titles of 2006.

God and sinners reconciled

Monday, December 25th, 2006

After thousands of years of contention between the two seemingly implacable groups, God and sinners today reconciled. It had once been hoped that the death of God’s son at the hands of sinners 2,000 years ago would bring about such reconciliation, but the act seemed to have little actual effect on God’s acceptance of sinners or sinners acceptance of God. Experts suggest it was only when each party was willing to see a little bit of themselves in the other that congenial relations could be reached. In a show of solidarity today, God announced “I am a sinner,” and many sinners were spotted wearing buttons with slogans such as “Kiss me, I’m God.”

The Brick Testament - David and Goliath

Monday, December 18th, 2006

Merry Christmas and happy holidays from The Brick Testament! Our gift to you this year is one final set of seven new illustrated stories in the King Saul section of the website, featuring one of the most famous confrontations of all time: David and Goliath. And it would behoove us to mention that if you need a last minute gift for your friends and loved ones this holiday season, nothing says “I give totally awesome gifts to my friends and loved ones” like a fine hardcover book from the Brick Testament book series.

Scholars: Jesus did not wear pants

Thursday, December 14th, 2006

Though many conservative Christians have called the idea “too shocking to even contemplate”, critical New Testament scholars are in wide agreement that it is “extremely improbable” that Jesus of Nazareth wore pants. “They simply were not invented or popularized yet,” said controversial scholar Robert M. Price. The no-pants theory has been denounced outright by the Vatican and many Evangelical leaders, while others have reacted with resigned acceptance. “It makes me feel a bit helpless, to be honest,” says the Rev. James Fillmore of Atchison, Kansas, “How can I seriously ask my congregation to worship a man who walked around with no pants on?”

Last 12 Iraqis in Baghdad killed by car bomb

Saturday, December 9th, 2006

The last twelve remaining Iraqis in the city of Baghdad were killed this morning when a car bomb exploded just outside the city’s US-protected safety area or “green zone”. It was the 30,916th car bomb attack in Baghdad this year, bringing the Iraqi population of the city down to 0 from its high of nearly 7 million at the start of the US-lead invasion in 2003. US President George Bush commented that the complete depopulation of Baghdad was “unfortunate,” but that he believes it is a price worth paying for the establishment of democracy in the Iraqi capital.

Smith gives a shit

Friday, December 1st, 2006

In an impromptu speech delivered at an area Wendy’s today, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith sought to dispel recent rumors by announcing to a surprised and mildly curious lunchtime crowd that he is “someone who truly gives a shit”. “In a world marked by ever increasing apathy and cynicism,” said Smith, reading from prepared remarks, “too many people of my generation just do not give a shit about anything. That’s not me.” Smith proceeded to list off more than thirty-five causes or entities about which he “truly and deeply gives a shit” before sitting down and finishing his 1/2 pound Jalapeno Cheddar Double Melt and Biggie Fries. He was last spotted heading toward the restroom.