Archive for November, 2004

Vendetta: A Christmas Story… it’s back!

Thursday, November 25th, 2004

The now classic holiday movie, Vendetta: A Christmas Story, written by and costarring our very own Rev. Brendan Powell Smith, is now back for another year of free viewing online at VendettaChristmas.com. And coming very soon, you will be able to order your very own copy of Vendetta on DVD so you and yours can savor the full digital quality of 45 minutes of nonstop heart-pounding action that is sure to kick your ass into the holiday spirit, and leave you weeping for more.

Half-life 2 released

Friday, November 19th, 2004

I can’t believe this day has finally come. Do you feel it? I feel it. God, I’m hungry. I can’t remember the last time I had a shower. When this is all over, I’m gonna mate. Finally change is in the air. I could eat a horse, hooves and all. I’m glad there’s no kids around to see this. To think, all I used to wanna do is sell insurance. I don’t feel anything anymore. Sometimes I dream about cheese. This is bullshit!  Ugh, I think I ate something bad. When this is all over, I… ah, who am I kidding? Some day this will all be a bad memory. You smell that? It’s freedom.

The Brick Testament: The Story of Christmas

Monday, November 15th, 2004

Rejoice! The new Brick Testament book has arrived in bookstores across America. The Story of Christmas retells one of the Bible’s most famous and beloved stories with more than forty-five full-page, full-cover intricately detailed never-before-seen photos. From the humble birth in a manger and mysterious visit from the Wise Men to the daring escape to Egypt to avoid the wrath of King Herod, this elegantly hardbound and beautifully illustrated book is certain to spread much cheer this holiday season!

Arafat’s death: too close to call

Wednesday, November 10th, 2004

75-year-old Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat may or may not have succumbed today in a battle with death that most experts are deeming “too close to call”. After being admitted to a French hospital in serious condition last week, Arafat’s condition has gone downhill, suffering a brain hemorrhage and slipping into a coma. On Saturday, Fox News was the first to project Arafat’s death based on exit interviews with French doctors. Then on Monday, Fox rescinded their projection, putting Arafat back into the “living” column after many Palestinians demanded a recount of Arafat’s pulse. Other networks are taking a more cautious approach, listing Arafat’s status as “insufficient data”.

Bush announces countries to invade in 2nd term

Friday, November 5th, 2004

President Bush today announced a preliminary list of nations American troops will be invading during his second term in office: Iran, Pakistan, Sudan, South Korea, Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Yemen, Qatar, Bangladesh, Armenia, Oman, Bahrain, Uzbekistan, the United Arab Emirates, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Egypt, Kazakstan, Indonesia, Brunei, Cyprus, Azerbaijan, Moldova, Kyrgyzstan, Somalia, Turkey, France, East Timor, Tajikistan, Cuba, Albania, Libya, Turkmenistan, Algeria, Philippines, Tunisia, Easter Island, Eritrea, Macedonia, Mypos, Mexico, Ethiopia, Talossa, Costa Rica, Suriname, Zamunda, Niger, Bhutan, and Myanmar.

Slightly less apathetic voter turnout expected

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004

Polling stations across the US are gearing-up today for the slight reduction in massive American voter apathy that is expected to occur in today’s election. “The percentage of eligible voters who don’t vote might be close to 40% this year,” said election analyst Jane Delorme, “usually it’s about 50%.” Precincts are preparing themselves with a slight increase in the number of poll workers to be on hand today, as well as the occasional use of an extra voting booth. Although shaping up to a another presidential race so close it could be decided by mere thousands of votes, more than 80 million Americans of voting age are expected not to vote.