Archive for August, 2004

Walls of Jericho come tumbling down

Monday, August 30th, 2004

The Brick Testament website has been updated this week with four new illustrated stories from the Book of Joshua, including the famous story of how God helped the Israelites topple the city walls of Jericho and then slaughter every last man, woman, and child inside (save for one prostitute), steal all their silver, gold, and other precious items, and then burn the city to the ground and put a curse on anyone who might consider rebuilding it. This powerful and inspiring story has been thoughtfully rendered in LEGO bricks by The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith.

Christians boycott Olympic games

Thursday, August 19th, 2004

Christians of the world are once again boycotting the Olympic games, as they have done since 393 AD when the Christian leader of the Roman Empire, Theodosius I, forever banned the games as a “pagan festival”. His actions put an official end to the Greek sports competition which had been held nearly every four years for 1,200 years. The games continued unofficially until Theodosius’s successor, Theodosius II sent an army to destroy the temples of Olympia. The modern Olympics, begun in 1896 by godless Frenchman Baron Pierre de Coubertin, have continued for 108 years, despite Christian protest. Security at the 2004 Athens game is high, for fear that a Christian army might attempt to disrupt the games, and destroy the playing fields.

Kerry, Bush court swinger states

Monday, August 16th, 2004

In an exceedingly tight race for the presidency, it is likely that the ultimate outcome will be decided by a handful of the so-called “swinger states”, such as Colorado, Louisiana, and Oregon, where the social mores held by the rest of the country do not apply. In a speech in Minnesota this week, Kerry voiced his support for “the lifestyle” as an “exciting new alternative for many Americans” that can “revitalize traditional marriage”. Bush, for his part, attended a Republican fundraiser in Missouri this week with Lynne Cheney, wife of running mate Dick Cheney, while the Vice-President campaigned in West Virginia with first lady Laura Bush.

Texas to reinstate crucifixions

Wednesday, August 11th, 2004

A longtime pioneer in the use of the death penalty, the state of Texas will soon be taking the further step of using public crucifixions as a means of capitol punishment. In a landslide 168-to-1 vote, the Texas state legislature approved the bill which was signed into law by Gov. Rick Perry. In a quick follow-up 168-to-1 vote it was further decided that the first person to suffer death on the cross would be Sen. Gonzalo Barrientos, who had cast the single vote against the use of crucifixion and also against his own crucifixion. “Though it will be sad to see him go,” said Gov. Perry in a prepared statement, “Sen. Barrientos should feel much honor in returning to his Maker in the same manner as our Lord Jesus Christ, some 2,000 year ago.”

Bush: Al Qaeda to blow up US if Kerry elected

Thursday, August 5th, 2004

President Bush tonight informed the American people of newly gathered intelligence reports that indicate Al Qaeda terrorists will “blow up the United States” if John Kerry is elected president this November. “We don’t know how they will do it,” said the president, “It could be a series of car bombs, truck bombs, dirty bombs, or even hijacked nuclear missiles, but let me be clear on this: this threat is real and immediate.” The president went on to say that Americans have a clear choice this Fall, between an America that is safe and strong or one that is “blown up by terrorists”. The national terror alert code has not been raised following Bush’s announcement, and Bush urged America to “go about your daily lives as normal.”