Archive for April, 2004

Smith on crack

Sunday, April 25th, 2004

Hard up for cash, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith this week singed-up for a medical study on the effects of crack cocaine on healthy male adults between the ages of 25 and 30. The study is being conducted at Stanford University by Dr. Humphrey Wassenbottom. He explains, “Participants have been asked to supplement their normal daily diet with twenty 1/10 gram tablets, or “rocks”, of crack cocaine.” Twelve days into the two-week study, asked how he was feeling, Smith looked up from the floor where had been rocking back and forth in a fetal position for the past several hours, shaking and sobbingly gently, and remarked, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!” Smith will receive $250 for his time, plus 14 cents per mile in gas money.

8-second circumcisions

Thursday, April 22nd, 2004

Men, have you always wanted to look a little thinner around the penis? Do you find yourself envious when you catch sight of a Jewish man wearing no pants? Have you been secretly longing to rid yourself of that cumbersome foreskin, but just never had the time for a lengthy overnight stay at a hospital? Well, now you can stand up proudly and say, “Circumcise me!” because thanks to modern axe technology, The Chopping Block is now offering 8-second circumcisions for the ridiculously low price of only $19.95. Walk-in customers are welcomed. Look for drive-up service to begin in Spring 2005.

Smith on Tech-TV’s Unscrewed tonight

Monday, April 19th, 2004

This evening, Monday, April 19th, The Rev. Brendan Powell Smith will be a guest on the popular Tech-TV program Unscrewed. Join host Martin Sargent as he chats with Smith about the success of his Brick Testament website and book, and learns why Smith has dedicated himself to illustrating the entire Bible in LEGO bricks. The show airs at 11:30pm EST and 8:30 PST. Check your local listings — and see this page to find out if your cable or satellite provider even offers Tech-TV.

Fuck you, we’re going to Arby’s™

Saturday, April 3rd, 2004

Three years after fast food chain Arby’s hired Rev. Smith to provide a much-needed shot in the arm to their public image, Smith has once again provided the company with a punchy new slogan for their TV and print ads. The first 30-second spot aired last night during an episode of The West Wing. Several attractive twenty-something couples are seen bickering over where to eat dinner, when suddenly one of them says, “Fuck you, we’re going to Arby’s.” We then cut to a shot of the defiant couple heartily enjoying a meal of roast beef sandwiches, Jamocha shakes, and curly fries. It is unknown how much or whether Smith was paid for his services.